Well another month has flown by. I can't believe it, while my concerns about being childless at Christmas were all I could think about last month, this month brought a whole new category of drama and I have hardly had time to think about anything.
Two weeks ago at 4:00 am I woke Hubby up because I had a dream that he had died suddenly of complications from his heart condition. I was crying when I woke up and the dream was so real his snoring in the bed beside me actually startled me. I woke him up in the dead of night to tell him I was glad he wasn't dead. He mumbled something about also being glad he was not dead and drifted back to sleep.
In the morning I got up and went to the market, got my hair done and went shopping for something fabulous to wear to Hubby's work party. I told my friend about my dream and she assured me that it meant good things for the person I had dreamt of. When I told her how upset I was the night before we joked that it was probably a good thing that after so long I still wanted him around. When I got home Hubby was making himself a light lunch and after we relaxed on the couch and watched TV. I told him again that I was glad he was still alive. Twenty minutes later we were rushing to the hospital.
Hubby has had heart problems since he was 12 and 5 years ago we went to Toronto for open heart surgery to remove an overgrown muscle blocking 85% of the blood flow. His heart function was immediately improved and after a lengthy recovery he was better than ever. After 16 years he was off all heart medication and feeling great.
Two weeks ago things changed suddenly. Hubby was saying something was wrong with his heart and was beginning to panic. We were very use to being in and out of hospital and so I quickly got him dressed, put him in the car and drove to the emergency. Fortunately we live only 8 minutes away, when we arrived I parked the car outside the ER doors and helped him inside the doors where we got help immediately. I handed him off to the nurses, told them he had hypertrophic cardiomyopathy and went to move the car. When I came back there were 8 nurses and doctors hovered over him and his pulse was 273. It was beating erratically and racing out of control.
After a couple of hours, I called my parents and they came to the hospital and waited outside the ICU. It took all night and a lot of medication to finally get it within a normal range. At one point they prepared to shock his heart with the defibrillator to reset the rhythm, fortunately they did not have to resort to that. Although I was very worried, I was incredibly calm. I was in "The Zone", there was a lot going on, a lot of new information to take in and I knew I had to be calm and clear.
After a couple of days in Cardiac Care they were able to get his heart rate under control with the medication but the test result were very negative. There were half a dozen serious problems with the heart that had developed as a result of his condition. Any one of them would have been cause for concern. They said it was fortunate that his heart had given him a warning and not simply shut down. They told us he would eventually need a heart transplant but they were going to see what they could do in the meantime. We waited in hospital a few more days until they could get us to a hospital with a cardiac care centre.
He arrived at the new hospital by ambulance last Tuesday afternoon and within a few hours they told him they were going to be taking him at 7:30 am for surgery. The next morning they implanted a defibrillator inside his chest to reset the heart if the rhythm got out of control or to restart heart if it stopped beating. Unlike a pacemaker that delivers a slight and constant message to the heart, this one packs more of a punch and only kicks in when the heart is in crisis.
Fortunately he came through with flying colours. The surgery went very well, they tested the device to ensure that it was working properly and by Thursday afternoon he was ready to come home. He will have a long recovery with 6wks to 6 months of no driving and 4-6 weeks of not lifting his hands above his shoulders.
He is now referring to himself as the $30,000 man although because we live in Canada the total cost to us for the device plus surger, hospital stay, ambulance etc. was $0.00. His work even covered my hotel stay and most of my meals. My biggest expenses were gas and parking.
We are so happy to be home for Christmas. We didn't think it would be possible and while being home has a whole other set of challenges (I'm exhausted already) it is great to be home and with family for Christmas. We will have a low key celebration this year. I am going to miss having a tree and having decorations but it is just too much work with everything else to be done.
So far I've been doing great at keeping it together, through all the bad news and surgery I have been calm and together, with just a few minor cracks. I was like this when he had his operation five years ago and I know it is just a matter of time before I fall to pieces but it will not likely be until he has been given the all clear by his docs. If he has to go through this every 5 years to replace the device we may get very good at adapting to it all. He has always had heart problems but they were more gradual and progressive, the complications are now far greater and more imminent than they were before.
We are very thankful for our wonderful friends and family who have been so supportive. They have offered help in every way since he first landed in the hospital. Last night someone dropped off a curry chicken which was fantastic because it means I did not have to cook. While we have not had a lot of visitors because everyone is gone for the holidays, we have had lots of emails and calls from our friends and family. We are so lucky to have them all!
To all my online pals, Happy Holidays and best wishes for a happy and healthy 2008!
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Monday, December 3, 2007
November in a Nutshell
Just another rollercoaster month. If you have read this blog with any regularity you know that silence usually means all is good or I’m keeping secrets. This month was a bit of both.
If you thought dressing up was just for Halloween, you don’t hang out with the right crowd. We were off to Halifax for our Grease-theme prom. I was the best dancer from St. Bernadette’s (with the worst reputation). Hubby went in a powder blue tuxedo and taped up glasses. We danced the night away despite the snowstorm. The rest of the weekend Canknitian and I did a whole lot of shopping. We bought clothes, yarn and candy from Freak Lunchbox. I bought a pattern and alpaca to make thrummed mittens.
Another favourite find was the Trichomania solid shampoo from Lush. Love it!
The next weekend was the 70’s theme dance for the local animal shelter. We usually go as a big crowd and have a lot of fun. Our two tables came away with more than our share of the prizes (authentic 70’s items like pole lamps, hockey trivia games, and string art). Sadly no one at our table one the sectional sofa with built in bar.
Work has been crazy with lots and lots to do. Sadly my partner lost her father and will be out of work for a while. My heart goes out to her and her family, she was just engaged and making plans for a wedding and it is too hard to deal with a death in the family this time of year. I’ve discovered how much I need her, without her here to vent with I’m getting short tempered and actually had a huge argument with my boss on Friday. On the plus side, by the time she gets back she and I may both have significant raises. (That’s just the kind of friend I am.)
My little brother is in trouble, again. This time he is being questioned about a broken lamppost at the entrance to the subdivision. Of course, no one thought to contact me, I’m just the only one in the family with a law degree and an expertise in youth justice. Naturally it is more important to sweep it under the carpet and pretend that nothing is wrong. Why is it that people still don’t understand that I always find this stuff out?
My Big Bro has started a new job and is moving to town and seems to be doing well. Lil’ Sis is a dog groomer so she’ll be busy until Christmas making all the pups beautiful.
Monkey and I have been regularly going to the library and he is doing really well with his reading and writing. (I’m so proud!)
Monkey is wild waiting for Santa! We took him to the Christmas parade last week and the next day he got his picture taken with Santa. Sis said he whispered with Santa for 10 minutes back and forth and when he got down Santa said “That little boy is the next Prime Minister!” He still won’t tell us what he said to him only that he didn’t ask for anything because Santa already knows what he wants.
On the secret side of things, we were given renewed hope on the out of province adoption. We were kind of hoping for a big Christmas announcement that things were underway. The family was pushing for us on the NS side and was told that they would look into the process of an interprovincial adoption for us.
Surprise, surprise, another disappointment, the case worker called today to say that when she started asking questions she was told they would not be willing to consider an out of province placement for the little girl, despite the family’s wishes. I guess nothing is ever easy when you can get pregnant.
Now it will be a matter of holding my breath and trying to get through the “Season for Families with Children.” I’m sure others can relate, once there are grandchildren in the family and your friends start having kids Christmas is never the same. I am very tempted to take an advance on my vacation for next year and spend the next three weeks holed up at home celebrating the “hard liquor season” instead. Here’s a tip for instantly identifying the infertile couples at your coming Christmas parties – look for the people drinking rum and eggnog from the carton and making light of the fact they don’t have to get up with the kids in the morning.
Luckily I have most of my Christmas shopping done and wrapped, and I will be gathering up the last the items for the transition house in the next two weeks.
If you thought dressing up was just for Halloween, you don’t hang out with the right crowd. We were off to Halifax for our Grease-theme prom. I was the best dancer from St. Bernadette’s (with the worst reputation). Hubby went in a powder blue tuxedo and taped up glasses. We danced the night away despite the snowstorm. The rest of the weekend Canknitian and I did a whole lot of shopping. We bought clothes, yarn and candy from Freak Lunchbox. I bought a pattern and alpaca to make thrummed mittens.
Another favourite find was the Trichomania solid shampoo from Lush. Love it!
The next weekend was the 70’s theme dance for the local animal shelter. We usually go as a big crowd and have a lot of fun. Our two tables came away with more than our share of the prizes (authentic 70’s items like pole lamps, hockey trivia games, and string art). Sadly no one at our table one the sectional sofa with built in bar.
Work has been crazy with lots and lots to do. Sadly my partner lost her father and will be out of work for a while. My heart goes out to her and her family, she was just engaged and making plans for a wedding and it is too hard to deal with a death in the family this time of year. I’ve discovered how much I need her, without her here to vent with I’m getting short tempered and actually had a huge argument with my boss on Friday. On the plus side, by the time she gets back she and I may both have significant raises. (That’s just the kind of friend I am.)
My little brother is in trouble, again. This time he is being questioned about a broken lamppost at the entrance to the subdivision. Of course, no one thought to contact me, I’m just the only one in the family with a law degree and an expertise in youth justice. Naturally it is more important to sweep it under the carpet and pretend that nothing is wrong. Why is it that people still don’t understand that I always find this stuff out?
My Big Bro has started a new job and is moving to town and seems to be doing well. Lil’ Sis is a dog groomer so she’ll be busy until Christmas making all the pups beautiful.
Monkey and I have been regularly going to the library and he is doing really well with his reading and writing. (I’m so proud!)
Monkey is wild waiting for Santa! We took him to the Christmas parade last week and the next day he got his picture taken with Santa. Sis said he whispered with Santa for 10 minutes back and forth and when he got down Santa said “That little boy is the next Prime Minister!” He still won’t tell us what he said to him only that he didn’t ask for anything because Santa already knows what he wants.
On the secret side of things, we were given renewed hope on the out of province adoption. We were kind of hoping for a big Christmas announcement that things were underway. The family was pushing for us on the NS side and was told that they would look into the process of an interprovincial adoption for us.
Surprise, surprise, another disappointment, the case worker called today to say that when she started asking questions she was told they would not be willing to consider an out of province placement for the little girl, despite the family’s wishes. I guess nothing is ever easy when you can get pregnant.
Now it will be a matter of holding my breath and trying to get through the “Season for Families with Children.” I’m sure others can relate, once there are grandchildren in the family and your friends start having kids Christmas is never the same. I am very tempted to take an advance on my vacation for next year and spend the next three weeks holed up at home celebrating the “hard liquor season” instead. Here’s a tip for instantly identifying the infertile couples at your coming Christmas parties – look for the people drinking rum and eggnog from the carton and making light of the fact they don’t have to get up with the kids in the morning.
Luckily I have most of my Christmas shopping done and wrapped, and I will be gathering up the last the items for the transition house in the next two weeks.
Monday, November 5, 2007
October in a nutshell
Where did October go?
I have also been at my sewing machine working on a beautiful prom dress. Next weekend is our annual “prom” weekend. Friends host a yearly theme party and this year it is a 50’s Prom in Halifax. While I would not usually go to such great lengths for a theme party, I was able to get a great deal on the fabric and pattern when a fabric store went out of business and I think the dress could easily be used again on New Year’s or some other event. I will post pictures when I finish mine later this week but here is the pattern:
Thanksgiving gave me the opportunity to make one of my favourite cakes – Princeton Orange Cake. We had a large family gathering with 15 for dinner. Later that week Monkey and I made apple crisp with apples we picked ourselves. We had a great time picking apples again and the Cortlands were finally ready! My sis has discovered that if you make a chunky applesauce with cinnamon, sprinkle granola on top and toss in it the microwave for a bit it tastes like apple crisp. Yummy! I have been eating a lot of “apple crisp” for breakfast.
Hubby and I went to a friend’s Halloween house party. There were a lot of great costumes. My friend and I went as inmates at a Women’s Prison, I would post the pictures but I’m afraid there are already far too many unflattering photos of me in my prison orange dress floating around out there. Yikes!
I have been collecting goodies for the ladies at the transition house and my spare room is starting to fill up with items for the 8 Christmas gift baskets. I will have to start checking my list to see who I have left to buy for this Christmas. We have managed to get a Guitar Hero game for my little brother and he will soooo excited. Hubby bought a copy for the Wii and we have been playing it quite a bit. It is a lot of fun.
Wow, I can’t believe how long it has been since I have updated my blog. There has been a lot going on and I just can’t believe that it is already November. The missing month has had some ups and some downs and I will try to catch you up as quickly as possible. The key word for October has been BUSY!
Let’s get the bad stuff right out of the way.
Halloween kicked off what is sadly become a string of funerals. Last week began with the loss of my Great Uncle, the funeral was on Wednesday. Thursday, a group of girls traveled out of town to support a friend at her grandmother’s funeral, and Friday my cousin’s partner committed suicide leaving her a single mother to their young son. I also found out my grandmother is not well and will not strong enough to undergo the surgery required to save her life. While, she is technically my “ex-step-grandmother” she has been a grandparent to me since I was 8 years old. She lives with my “ex-stepmother” and my little brother and the coming months will be very hard on all of them.
I think part of the reason I have been avoiding updating my blog is that I was really hoping to have some good news. I must start by saying I am feeling much more like myself now that all of the fertility drugs are out of my system. I am not so easily upset and feel sane again. Although I think Christmas will still be a challenge, I am beginning to accept that life will go on with out a pregnancy.
This acceptance was spurred on by the fact that Hubby and I were approached about a private adoption. We kept our fingers crossed; our lips sealed and tried not to get our hopes up too much. Sadly, in taking the time to weigh their options the family let things get too and the girl is now in protective custody. Private adoption is no longer an option and an inter-provincial adoption would be complicated and too lengthy to be in the girl’s best interest. While we completely understand how and why things worked out the way they have, Hubby and I can’t help but be disappointed, both for the girl and for ourselves.
So eventually it will be back to the drawing board to consider the rest of our options, in the meantime November does not show any signs of slowing down and we will likely be full-tilt until the New Year.
Work has been very hectic and I am currently writing three publications which have to be printed by January, including the rewrite of a 100 page book. So far things are chugging along but I have not had a spare moment. I have also been preparing for workshops on reporting forms for charities – thrilling stuff. My first workshop was on Friday and you know it is bad when you nearly put yourself to sleep.
I have been practicing many of my unmarketable skills in the last month. I did a wedding cake for a fall wedding. I don’t often do cakes for people I don’t know but I was asked by my cousin and despite my concerns, the bride and groom were both thrilled with the way it turned out. I wish I had better pictures but these should give you a general idea.
Let’s get the bad stuff right out of the way.
Halloween kicked off what is sadly become a string of funerals. Last week began with the loss of my Great Uncle, the funeral was on Wednesday. Thursday, a group of girls traveled out of town to support a friend at her grandmother’s funeral, and Friday my cousin’s partner committed suicide leaving her a single mother to their young son. I also found out my grandmother is not well and will not strong enough to undergo the surgery required to save her life. While, she is technically my “ex-step-grandmother” she has been a grandparent to me since I was 8 years old. She lives with my “ex-stepmother” and my little brother and the coming months will be very hard on all of them.
I think part of the reason I have been avoiding updating my blog is that I was really hoping to have some good news. I must start by saying I am feeling much more like myself now that all of the fertility drugs are out of my system. I am not so easily upset and feel sane again. Although I think Christmas will still be a challenge, I am beginning to accept that life will go on with out a pregnancy.
This acceptance was spurred on by the fact that Hubby and I were approached about a private adoption. We kept our fingers crossed; our lips sealed and tried not to get our hopes up too much. Sadly, in taking the time to weigh their options the family let things get too and the girl is now in protective custody. Private adoption is no longer an option and an inter-provincial adoption would be complicated and too lengthy to be in the girl’s best interest. While we completely understand how and why things worked out the way they have, Hubby and I can’t help but be disappointed, both for the girl and for ourselves.
So eventually it will be back to the drawing board to consider the rest of our options, in the meantime November does not show any signs of slowing down and we will likely be full-tilt until the New Year.
Work has been very hectic and I am currently writing three publications which have to be printed by January, including the rewrite of a 100 page book. So far things are chugging along but I have not had a spare moment. I have also been preparing for workshops on reporting forms for charities – thrilling stuff. My first workshop was on Friday and you know it is bad when you nearly put yourself to sleep.
I have been practicing many of my unmarketable skills in the last month. I did a wedding cake for a fall wedding. I don’t often do cakes for people I don’t know but I was asked by my cousin and despite my concerns, the bride and groom were both thrilled with the way it turned out. I wish I had better pictures but these should give you a general idea.
I have also been at my sewing machine working on a beautiful prom dress. Next weekend is our annual “prom” weekend. Friends host a yearly theme party and this year it is a 50’s Prom in Halifax. While I would not usually go to such great lengths for a theme party, I was able to get a great deal on the fabric and pattern when a fabric store went out of business and I think the dress could easily be used again on New Year’s or some other event. I will post pictures when I finish mine later this week but here is the pattern:
Thanksgiving gave me the opportunity to make one of my favourite cakes – Princeton Orange Cake. We had a large family gathering with 15 for dinner. Later that week Monkey and I made apple crisp with apples we picked ourselves. We had a great time picking apples again and the Cortlands were finally ready! My sis has discovered that if you make a chunky applesauce with cinnamon, sprinkle granola on top and toss in it the microwave for a bit it tastes like apple crisp. Yummy! I have been eating a lot of “apple crisp” for breakfast.
Hubby and I went to a friend’s Halloween house party. There were a lot of great costumes. My friend and I went as inmates at a Women’s Prison, I would post the pictures but I’m afraid there are already far too many unflattering photos of me in my prison orange dress floating around out there. Yikes!
I have been collecting goodies for the ladies at the transition house and my spare room is starting to fill up with items for the 8 Christmas gift baskets. I will have to start checking my list to see who I have left to buy for this Christmas. We have managed to get a Guitar Hero game for my little brother and he will soooo excited. Hubby bought a copy for the Wii and we have been playing it quite a bit. It is a lot of fun.
Some November good news!
My cousin finally had her baby boy and both are healthy and happy. He has beautiful red hair and 5 names. K.P.R.M.W. is going to make even initialing something a chore.
My cousin finally had her baby boy and both are healthy and happy. He has beautiful red hair and 5 names. K.P.R.M.W. is going to make even initialing something a chore.
My little brother was in town this weekend to accept his Chief Scout Award from the "Left-handed" Governor. (Lieutenant Governor). The award ceremony was held at the Legislature and there was a reception at the "Left-handed" Governor's home. I was very proud of him, I gave him the only gift I could be sure a 13 year old boy would appreciate - money.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
On the road again...
I'm on the road again, off to Halifax for a conference. Halifax is just not as exciting as going to the Rockies last year. First off, I go there quite frequently and I had never seen the Rockies and secondly we drive to Halifax and we flew to Alberta. I love flying. I like the anticipation at the airport, the excitement as you take off and watching everything get very very tiny. I especially love flying into a new city and getting a birds eye view of the place.
The drive to Halifax is not too bad it is 4 hours and we are in no rush to get there. EB and I will leave this morning and only have to be at the hotel for a reception at 7:00. Hard to say what we would do with a few hours to ourselves (drink or shop, drink or shop-tough call!) We head back on Friday afternoon and as soon as my feet hit home I'm repacking my bags for a trip to AMERICA!
With the Canadian $ so high, a lot of people are swarming to Maine for some shopping. (Anyone know of any good yarn shops in Bangor?) I am going with Hubby and three friends for the weekend. Apparently there is a good chance I'll run into my mother and aunt on my shopping excursion, they are also going to Maine. My grandparents went earlier in the week and my Sis is going later in the week.
Now I love my new kitten but I also love my sleep. I am generally a very very sound sleeper and although I stay up late I get a solid night's sleep. The last two weeks I have been up and down all night because some crazy kitten insists on chasing her tail under the covers or attacking anything that moves (including eyelashes). Spending the next 5 nights in hotels will mean catching up.
The drive to Halifax is not too bad it is 4 hours and we are in no rush to get there. EB and I will leave this morning and only have to be at the hotel for a reception at 7:00. Hard to say what we would do with a few hours to ourselves (drink or shop, drink or shop-tough call!) We head back on Friday afternoon and as soon as my feet hit home I'm repacking my bags for a trip to AMERICA!
With the Canadian $ so high, a lot of people are swarming to Maine for some shopping. (Anyone know of any good yarn shops in Bangor?) I am going with Hubby and three friends for the weekend. Apparently there is a good chance I'll run into my mother and aunt on my shopping excursion, they are also going to Maine. My grandparents went earlier in the week and my Sis is going later in the week.
Now I love my new kitten but I also love my sleep. I am generally a very very sound sleeper and although I stay up late I get a solid night's sleep. The last two weeks I have been up and down all night because some crazy kitten insists on chasing her tail under the covers or attacking anything that moves (including eyelashes). Spending the next 5 nights in hotels will mean catching up.
Friday, September 21, 2007
A month later (no not a month late)
It has been just over a month since our trip to the fertility clinic and I've had a few emails asking how I have been. I had really hoped that I could say I'm doing so much better. Unfortunately, it is still constantly on my mind and still very much an open wound. I have stopped weeping every time someone looks at me but I am surprised at how often I am struck by sadness and how unexpected it always is.
For the last three years I have been upset at baby announcements, baby showers and holidays. That is just par for the course. However, it is now the strangest things that set me off.
- stupid hockey theme baby blankets
- people walking with their children
- people complaining about their children
- parent/teacher night
- baby food commercials
- Old Navy halloween costume
I have been living with the frustration of waiting to have a baby, but now there is a despair in knowing that it is not going to happen at all. It is a whole new level that is taking some time to get acclimatized to. My fear is that it will not get better and that for the rest of my days I will be brought to tears by everyday things. Chances are good that my friends, family and neighbours will continue to have children and I can't stand the thought of always being the miserable wet blanket.
I really appreciate the lengths that those around me have gone to comfort me and accommodate my sensitive spots. I just wish they didn't have to do it. I know that people tip-toe around me on the baby stuff, like waiting for the right moment to tell me someone is expecting, not recommending certain books or movies, or the awkward silence walking by the baby section at the mall. I've been quite open about where I am emotionally because I feel like I need the support of my friends but I hate making the people feel uncomfortable.
I guess I hadn't realized that my situation would rob me of the joy I got from taking part in other people's pregnancies and children. I loved making handmade things and buying cute toys and outfits. Now it is just too hard. There are a lot of blogs, success stories and support for people in the midst of fertility treatments. There does not seem to be much out there on what happens when you run out of options.
It is not that I think my feelings are unjustified or I'm not clear on why I feel the way I do. I just wish I knew how long it is going to last. I am also still angry about our appointment with the fertility clinic and now that it has been a month I think I will write a letter to both my specialist here and the clinic administration. On the upside, they have not billed us for our consultation - yet.
Geez, I bet you guys are sorry you asked!
Crafty ideas for charity
Each year my friends and I put together Christmas gift baskets for women who have left abusive relationships. The shelter has 8 apartments where women and their children can live for up to a year while they rebuild their lives. The women often find it hard to make ends meet and most rely on the food bank to feed their families.
This time each year I ask for a list of the ages for the boys and girls living in the shelter and the ages of the women. It is not a lot of information to go on soI am constantly trying to think of good, general gift ideas for the women. The children are easy to buy for and people are anxious to buy for the kids. I find it harder to get items for the moms. One of the comments that we have had each year is how much they appreciate handmade items. We ususally include a handmade dishcloth and I make neck warmers out of snuggly flannel. Of course, Christmas would not be complete without goodies so we have a cookie swap where we do up 8 trays of goodies. I would like to do something different this year.
Does anyone have ideas for handmade gifts that are quick, easy, inexpensive and suitable for someone you don't know anything about? It is a tough one. I'd love to hear some suggestions!
This time each year I ask for a list of the ages for the boys and girls living in the shelter and the ages of the women. It is not a lot of information to go on soI am constantly trying to think of good, general gift ideas for the women. The children are easy to buy for and people are anxious to buy for the kids. I find it harder to get items for the moms. One of the comments that we have had each year is how much they appreciate handmade items. We ususally include a handmade dishcloth and I make neck warmers out of snuggly flannel. Of course, Christmas would not be complete without goodies so we have a cookie swap where we do up 8 trays of goodies. I would like to do something different this year.
Does anyone have ideas for handmade gifts that are quick, easy, inexpensive and suitable for someone you don't know anything about? It is a tough one. I'd love to hear some suggestions!
Monday, September 17, 2007
Introducing Purl!
My sister often takes kittens into foster care for the local SPCA. A month ago she got a call about a little girl kitty found in a ditch on the side of the road. The woman who found her said she was going to adopt her when she was big enough. The next day someone else brought in a little boy kitten from the same ditch. Sis adopted the little boy and when she went to return the little girl they told her she was up for adoption.
Taking advantage of my weakened emotional state, she called from the shelter to tell me she was bringing home the baby girl for me. I've named her Purl and she is so sweet. She is trying to make friends with my other kitty but it was not love at first site for Athena.
I am absolutely smitten by the kitten. Without further ado - here's Purl.
Friday, September 7, 2007
What a way to start the day!
Earlier this week I was awakened by Hubby saying, "There is a parcel for you!" Hurray! It was a big box from my Virtual Vacation Swap. As it turns out I went to Kansas, and look at all the goodies I got. 
That Mandy is just too good to me. I got a Kansas keychain, scrunchies, chocolate, popcorn (which Hubby is drooling over), coffee and tea, a beautiful dishcloth, a cute postcard, two citrus candles, and yummy smelling soaps. I also got all of the things I things I need to make a beautiful blue and purple felted bag. And I can't tell you how much I love the magnet and mug she sent.
In case you can't read my blurry photo they both say: "Dear Dorthy; Hate Oz, took the shoes, find your own way home! Toto" I LOVE it - they have already made their way to my office and are the envy of my co-workers.
This week I also got to take my Monkey to the Exibition. He went on all of the kiddie rides and then wanted to go on the big Ferris Wheel. I was shocked at how much he remembered from his trip last year. Before we even got there he had told me about all the rides he was going on, starting with the rockets that he was too small for last year. He also insisted that he was going to have cotton candy on the cone and so he did!
That is one happy boy!
After he went home I met up with some friends and stayed all night riding the rides, eating dippy dogs and chocolate dipped frozen bananas. I had a great time, there were surprisingly few people. I was a little disappointed that there was no Whack-A-Mole. They must have heard I was coming and hid it so I wouldn't win the giant prize again this year!
Monday, September 3, 2007
I must be feeling better - I picked up my needles again.
Ta DA! My first unsupervised sock! Okay so it is only a plain jane ankle sock but it is mine and I love it. I will now attempt something I have never done before - knit a second sock. You may recall that my first sock was a collaboration with Canknitian and we each knit a sock for a friend's birthday. This was also my first attempt at knitting with sock yarn on those teeny tiny little needles. 
When I showed my grandfather he laughed, he had tried to teach me to knit mittens with four dpn and I insisted that was way too many needles. I kept ending up with two needles holding the stitches and two in my hand. A year later I am knitting socks with 5 dpns! Just wait until I get the gumption to try knitting them on two circulars.
I am plesantly surprised to be upright before noon today. Last night we had a birthday extravaganza for my little sister's 30th birthday. I had the honour of putting together a poster of old photos, including some wicked Christmas morning hair. Sis's best friend rented a lodge for the party and it was a really good time. Because my sister does not eat sweets we had to do things a little differently, instead of a cake we had a platter with different cheeseballs set with candles and for one night only my beloved chocolate fountain was filled with nacho cheese sauce. I have to admit the flowing, dripping cheese was both yummy and mesmerizing but I still prefer the chocolate. The lumpy bits are jalepenos.
Canknitian arrived safe and somewhat sound from her sis's wedding and said the bride loved the cake I did for them. I saw a couple pictures on her camera but I can't wait to see the bigger photos to see how it turned out with the Gerbers. RB came with her new man, apparently we were not able to scare him off the first time around. Last night may have done it, to be specific her dance routine with my husband. (Anybody remember the episode of Friends where Monica and Ross revive a dance routine they had as teens? Yeah, just like that.)
I drank too much and said "Consequences be damned, I am going to eat that sweet, buttery, salty crunchy, fresh hydrocooled corn." I regret nothing - but I'm sure I will pay today. We tore up the dance floor while the boys played cards. At the end of the night I did a half-ass job of cleaning the cheese out of the fountain before heading home to bed. (Note to self: clean the cheese out of the fountain.) Tomorrow it is back to the grind.
Happy Labour Day everyone and Happy Birthday Lil' Sis.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Slowly crawling out of my hole.
So you may be thinking that I've been spending the last few weeks crying in my bed. While I did spend a few full days there I have been slowly but surely crawling out of the hole and back to life. Instead, I've been crying at work, at restuants, in my car, when anyone looks at me,(mostly kidding) but I've done a pretty good job at avoiding the temptation to spend the next month in bed.
I find that anytime I am not busy I'm in trouble. I've been running myself ragged so that I don't think about baby stuff and so at night I am exhausted and can sleep. I'm not prone to depression, like everyone I've had my moments, but I am generally a take charge and move on kind of person and it is really unnatural to me to wake up crying and feel on the verge of tears all day.
It is hit or miss these days, I did have a minor meltdown earlier this week when my pregnant cousin sent me two separate invitations to her baby shower and then a link to a webpage they have created for their unborn child. To my credit, I did not melt down at her, I did however ask my sister (who got the brunt of it) to intervene and politely ask her to stop sending me baby related stuff.
Yesterday, I managed to buy sleepers for my cousin who just had a baby girl and my cousin who is expecting - with out tears. I gave myself a "Suck it up" speech and put them in the cart, only to cry all the way home from Moncton.
I think at this moment I am my own worst enemy. I am beating myself up for not "getting over this already" and I feel the need to bottle it all up because people are probably sick to death of my self-pity party- I know I am.
So part of keeping myself busy was finalizing and sending my Knitter's Virtual Vacation Swap package and doing my part for Team Canada for Dish Rag Tag. (By the way thanks to Ruby for the great stitch markers and beautiful rainbow dish rag.) Done and Done! I can't wait to get my package from my pal.
Here is my new favourite dish rag pattern, it is textured and great for scrubbing. It is a great first project for a beginner. If you don't know how to crochet there are lots of great sites and even some YouTube videos that can show you these basic stitches. Chain, Single Crochet, Double Crochet
Chain 29-33 sts depending on your tension and desired size. Turn.
Beginning with a single crochet in the third chain from the hook work each stitch across alternating between single crochet (sc) and double crochet (dc). Turn
Continue to work the pattern, alternating sc and dc stitches. If the stitch below is a sc you should dc into the top, if the stitch below is a dc you should sc into the top. Once you have reached your desired length you can tie off and you're done.
Depending on how fancy you like your dish rags you could work around the dishrag with a single crochet or a more elaborate edging.
Did I mention it is fast too. I did mine in approximately 45 minutes. Too bad I was not home early enough to get it back in the mail the same day. I did my best to reinforce the box a little as it was pretty squished when I got it.
I should also mention that Monkey and I were featured on the front page of a local paper for our summer reading and we more than met our goal of another 100 books. As a reward I gave him a beautiful book and cd of Puff the Magic Dragon. Poor little monkey had an eye infection and has to stay home from daycare today so I will be closing the office early and sending all my staff home for an extra long weekend. It's good to be the queen.
I want to say thank you again to everyone online and off for the wonderful support. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a good long weekend.
I find that anytime I am not busy I'm in trouble. I've been running myself ragged so that I don't think about baby stuff and so at night I am exhausted and can sleep. I'm not prone to depression, like everyone I've had my moments, but I am generally a take charge and move on kind of person and it is really unnatural to me to wake up crying and feel on the verge of tears all day.
It is hit or miss these days, I did have a minor meltdown earlier this week when my pregnant cousin sent me two separate invitations to her baby shower and then a link to a webpage they have created for their unborn child. To my credit, I did not melt down at her, I did however ask my sister (who got the brunt of it) to intervene and politely ask her to stop sending me baby related stuff.
Yesterday, I managed to buy sleepers for my cousin who just had a baby girl and my cousin who is expecting - with out tears. I gave myself a "Suck it up" speech and put them in the cart, only to cry all the way home from Moncton.
I think at this moment I am my own worst enemy. I am beating myself up for not "getting over this already" and I feel the need to bottle it all up because people are probably sick to death of my self-pity party- I know I am.
So part of keeping myself busy was finalizing and sending my Knitter's Virtual Vacation Swap package and doing my part for Team Canada for Dish Rag Tag. (By the way thanks to Ruby for the great stitch markers and beautiful rainbow dish rag.) Done and Done! I can't wait to get my package from my pal.
Here is my new favourite dish rag pattern, it is textured and great for scrubbing. It is a great first project for a beginner. If you don't know how to crochet there are lots of great sites and even some YouTube videos that can show you these basic stitches. Chain, Single Crochet, Double Crochet
Chain 29-33 sts depending on your tension and desired size. Turn.
Beginning with a single crochet in the third chain from the hook work each stitch across alternating between single crochet (sc) and double crochet (dc). Turn
Continue to work the pattern, alternating sc and dc stitches. If the stitch below is a sc you should dc into the top, if the stitch below is a dc you should sc into the top. Once you have reached your desired length you can tie off and you're done.
Depending on how fancy you like your dish rags you could work around the dishrag with a single crochet or a more elaborate edging.
Did I mention it is fast too. I did mine in approximately 45 minutes. Too bad I was not home early enough to get it back in the mail the same day. I did my best to reinforce the box a little as it was pretty squished when I got it.
I should also mention that Monkey and I were featured on the front page of a local paper for our summer reading and we more than met our goal of another 100 books. As a reward I gave him a beautiful book and cd of Puff the Magic Dragon. Poor little monkey had an eye infection and has to stay home from daycare today so I will be closing the office early and sending all my staff home for an extra long weekend. It's good to be the queen.
I want to say thank you again to everyone online and off for the wonderful support. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a good long weekend.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Best Pals in the World
These arrived at my office yesterday afternoon. I immediately burst into tears, not the intended response I'm sure, but I was very touched that they would do this for me.
(They intended to have them sent to my house, but Hubby redirected the flower shop to my office.)
Monday, August 20, 2007
Time is moving very slowly.
I can't get over how slowly time has moved in the last three days. Yesterday was particularly drawn out. Every hour seemed like three. It probably doesn't help that I did absolutely nothing yesterday. Hubby came home for lunch and kicked my butt out of bed but shortly after he left I found myself wandering around the house and since I couldn't even stand my own company it was either pour myself a drink or go back to sleep. I went to bed.
Last night a couple of friends came by to watch tv and that seems to help. I know I need to keep busy and avoid being alone but I am such bad company it doesn't seem fair to make anyone put up with me. There are lots of people offering but I am such a downer. I try to keep it together but it seems everything makes me cry. Even sitting here at work it is too quiet and I find my mind wandering. If I wasn't so damn busy I'd take a couple of days off.
I know I will eventually get back to feeling like myself but it in the meantime every hour is creeping by. Thanks to everyone for the support, it is comforting and I have been checking my email and comments frequently for a little boost from my online pals.
Last night a couple of friends came by to watch tv and that seems to help. I know I need to keep busy and avoid being alone but I am such bad company it doesn't seem fair to make anyone put up with me. There are lots of people offering but I am such a downer. I try to keep it together but it seems everything makes me cry. Even sitting here at work it is too quiet and I find my mind wandering. If I wasn't so damn busy I'd take a couple of days off.
I know I will eventually get back to feeling like myself but it in the meantime every hour is creeping by. Thanks to everyone for the support, it is comforting and I have been checking my email and comments frequently for a little boost from my online pals.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Worse than expected
I'm not sure what to say about our trip. The news was worse than we expected. The only viable option seems to be invitro which is something I was never prepared to do. It would cost $10,000 a cycle with no guarantees that they will even be able to go through with it. If they are able to do the invitro it only increases our chances of having a baby by 30-40%. They want to do more test on Hubby and if everything checks out with him there is a chance we could do the injections at a bargain price of $2000/month for a 10-20% chance of getting pregnant if they are able to complete the cycle and a 20-30% chance of multiples.
It felt like the whole appointment was a disaster. They didn't have all of my paperwork and had to have it faxed down. There were tests they thought should have been done every year that had not been done since 2003 and 90% on the consultation with with some 20 year old intern who made me cry despite my best efforts to keep my composure.
The most frustrating part is they think the Clomid may have been working for most of the cycles and that the doc here was just testing too soon. They are also concerned that they did not do an in depth analysis of Hubby and there is a chance that the last three years was a complete waste of time because of a male factor. Three years of an emotional rollercoaster, putting my body and mind through hell, for nothing.
There is no point in going any further with it, if they test Hubby again and find a problem it only means that our options are limited to IVF and I'm not willing to go there.
I am so angry and frustrated and just incredibly sad. Every time I think I can't possibly cry any more I am right back where I started. I just can't see where to even start to deal with it all.
This morning my grandmother, who loves me dearly, said absolutely everything I did NOT want to hear in the span of three minutes.
So it is over, I will never be pregnant, I will never have a baby belly, a baby shower, or an ultrasound picture to hang on the fridge, it will just never happen for me and I'm not sure I will ever get over it. My heart is just broken.
It felt like the whole appointment was a disaster. They didn't have all of my paperwork and had to have it faxed down. There were tests they thought should have been done every year that had not been done since 2003 and 90% on the consultation with with some 20 year old intern who made me cry despite my best efforts to keep my composure.
The most frustrating part is they think the Clomid may have been working for most of the cycles and that the doc here was just testing too soon. They are also concerned that they did not do an in depth analysis of Hubby and there is a chance that the last three years was a complete waste of time because of a male factor. Three years of an emotional rollercoaster, putting my body and mind through hell, for nothing.
There is no point in going any further with it, if they test Hubby again and find a problem it only means that our options are limited to IVF and I'm not willing to go there.
I am so angry and frustrated and just incredibly sad. Every time I think I can't possibly cry any more I am right back where I started. I just can't see where to even start to deal with it all.
This morning my grandmother, who loves me dearly, said absolutely everything I did NOT want to hear in the span of three minutes.
- You need to just relax and stop trying and it will happen
- My aunt tried for 10 years and then they gave up and adopted and right after they had 5 of their own.
- God works in mysterious ways
And let's not forget to tie it all up in my absolute favourite: Everything happens for a reason!
I am so miserable I can't even stand myself.So it is over, I will never be pregnant, I will never have a baby belly, a baby shower, or an ultrasound picture to hang on the fridge, it will just never happen for me and I'm not sure I will ever get over it. My heart is just broken.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Feeling lonely
In a week where I have more work to do than I can possibly get done in three days I am finding it impossible to focus. I am absolutely terrified about my trip to the fertility clinic in Halifax. I'm not even sure what I'm worried about, we are just going for a consultation.
I think it may mostly be the weight of the decision to be made. I feel pressure on all sides, I know Hubby is desperately hoping I will agree to take the next step, my family thinks I've been through enough and I stuck in the middle not sure what I want and not ready to disappoint anyone. I know the decision is my own and I have to do what is right for me but I find it impossible to block out how my decision affects Hubby.
It has just been a rough week all around, work pressure topped with and lots of pregnancy related news, photos and shower invitations for family and friends. In fact, one cousin is having her third baby as I write. As much as it is comforting to read the blogs of others struggling with infertility, I still find that I feel incredibly alone. I don't have any friends who are in the same boat as I am, not that I would wish it on them. I am an incredibly social being and it is just really hard knowing that I am in this all by myself.
This may sound unfair to my Hubby, but while we share the sadness about having fertility issues, we are not in the same position. Firstly, it is my body that refuses to cooperate and I feel like a failure. Secondly, we have different priorities and different limits on what we are willing to do to achieve our mutual goal of having a family. Finally, the decision is my hands while he understands it is difficult for me but he is not experiencing the same pressure and internal struggle. On the flip-side there is no way I can fully comprehend the frustration he feels at having his hopes tied up in something completely beyond his control.
I wish I had someone who knows what it feels like, without the need for explanation. I have lots of good friends who empathize and support me, but no one who completely understands. I didn't know it was possible to be surrounded by so many people who love you and would do anything for you and still feel this lonely.
I am not use to being so mopey, I generally have smile on my face and it feels unnatural to be this sad. I can't even fake it. I feel sick everytime I eat, I can't sleep, and I catch myself frowning, slumping my shoulders and daubing my eyes all day. I hate that my brain has become so preoccupied with this. It seems it is all I can talk about.
I know my posts seem a little bi-polar but I really did have fun on the birthday weekend and was able to push it aside for a couple of days. It may have been the rum, it looks like I may have to take up drinking to get any work done!
Cheers!
I think it may mostly be the weight of the decision to be made. I feel pressure on all sides, I know Hubby is desperately hoping I will agree to take the next step, my family thinks I've been through enough and I stuck in the middle not sure what I want and not ready to disappoint anyone. I know the decision is my own and I have to do what is right for me but I find it impossible to block out how my decision affects Hubby.
It has just been a rough week all around, work pressure topped with and lots of pregnancy related news, photos and shower invitations for family and friends. In fact, one cousin is having her third baby as I write. As much as it is comforting to read the blogs of others struggling with infertility, I still find that I feel incredibly alone. I don't have any friends who are in the same boat as I am, not that I would wish it on them. I am an incredibly social being and it is just really hard knowing that I am in this all by myself.
This may sound unfair to my Hubby, but while we share the sadness about having fertility issues, we are not in the same position. Firstly, it is my body that refuses to cooperate and I feel like a failure. Secondly, we have different priorities and different limits on what we are willing to do to achieve our mutual goal of having a family. Finally, the decision is my hands while he understands it is difficult for me but he is not experiencing the same pressure and internal struggle. On the flip-side there is no way I can fully comprehend the frustration he feels at having his hopes tied up in something completely beyond his control.
I wish I had someone who knows what it feels like, without the need for explanation. I have lots of good friends who empathize and support me, but no one who completely understands. I didn't know it was possible to be surrounded by so many people who love you and would do anything for you and still feel this lonely.
I am not use to being so mopey, I generally have smile on my face and it feels unnatural to be this sad. I can't even fake it. I feel sick everytime I eat, I can't sleep, and I catch myself frowning, slumping my shoulders and daubing my eyes all day. I hate that my brain has become so preoccupied with this. It seems it is all I can talk about.
I know my posts seem a little bi-polar but I really did have fun on the birthday weekend and was able to push it aside for a couple of days. It may have been the rum, it looks like I may have to take up drinking to get any work done!
Cheers!
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Short and Sweet
I know you have all been waiting to hear about my birthday extravaganza. I think the pictures say it all.
Hubby and I trapped in a giant lobster trap.
In my happy place.
The water was beautiful.
Group photo, there were 27 of us this year.
Yes, even fireworks! We had a spectacular show that put others down the beach to shame.
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Happy Brithday to Me (and Hubby)
It is Birthday Weekend - The happiest time of the year! In my mind I am already on the beach, sand between my toes, Marista in my hand. The Marista is a drink my Sis and her pal came up with last year that contains several types of juice, raspberry ginger ale and rum, lots and lots of rum. My co-workers had a cake and prezzies for me today and in the bag was a little pillow that hangs on your door knob that says " The Princess sleeps here". They bought it as a marker for my hammock. I also got a box of chocolates. It is going to be a good weekend.
My MIL has gone completely overboard buying 5 turkeys and 3 hams for the 30 people. Oh and a ton of hamburgers and sausages. Hubby and CL left this morning so they could help with last minute set up. I unfortunately can't leave until 5:00 tomorrow. Yuck! I will miss almost all of Hubby's birthday. I will only arrive about 9:00. Just in time for a fire on the beach. The good news is my tent will be all set up although I only sleep in it if it is raining.
I sent my bags and gear ahead so I will have a quiet evening at home tonight and will be able to spend the trip there catching up with my pal RB who has just returned from two weeks out west. I think I should make a cd with our favourite road trip artists - ABBA, Dr. Hook, Neil Diamond, John Denver, Great Big Sea, Juice Newton, more ABBA. Any recommendations?
Before I go here are some of the highlights from our trip to Montreal.
This was one of the stilt walkers in the Just for Laughs Parade
They had fantastic floats. I love Mr. Bean.
Whack-A-Mole prize for the Monkey
Big Scary Rollercoaster!
Organ fun at the Science Center with Hubby
Hubby and I at the Botanical Gardens
Notre-Dame Basilica
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Home again - but not for long!
I know I promised pictures and I will post some eventually. The rest of our trip was fantastic. We had dinner at the hotel's revolving restaurant with friends from Quebec City who were also in Montreal for the week. Since they will not be able to make it to the birthday weekend we were glad to have some time with them. We also spent a day at the botanical gardens where I got lots of great pictures. Hubby was laughing at me because gardens make me happy and relaxed. I am not a big city girl, its nice to visit but I was much more relaxed at the gardens. Unfortunately for Hubby that meant I was in no hurry and we spent several hours there. We also went to the Insectarium and spent the afternoon at the Biodome. It was a hot day and unfortunately I got a bad sunburn.
On Wednesday night Canknitian and Hubby went to see The Police at the Bell Centre and I went to church. Yes, you did read that right. My hubby, the catholic, went to a concert and I, the heathen, went to the basilica. I laughed the whole time I was dressing for church. I said that someone is likely to have a heart attack if word gets out that I went to church all on my own. Hubby said it would probably be God. The Notre-Dame Basilica has a "sound and light show" and I really wanted to see the inside. The show was a little cheesy but it did a great job of showcasing each part of the church and helping you focus on details would otherwise be overwhelming. After the show we could walk around and take pictures, it was very dark and my camera is not the greatest. (A problem soon to be remedied as my birthday approaches.)
Thursday morning we were preparing to check out and head to Ikea (aka the happiest place on earth) when the power went out. Hubby had just left to take the first load of bags to the car when the power went. We were sure he would be stuck in the elevator when he didn't come back to the room. After a bit we called the desk and asked if there was anyone in the elevator. Hubby wouldn't go on the rides at La Ronde and was likely to not be having any fun if he was stuck in the elevator. They assured us that everyone was out, eventually Hubby called to say he was in the lobby. He had made it down the hotel elevator and had his finger on the button for the tiny, smelly elevator to the parking garage when the power went. The power outage did mean a delay in getting checked out but it ended up saving us $100 in parking fees at the garage. When Hubby was waiting in the lobby there were some hotel staff escorting people who had flights to catch to their cars. Hubby tagged along and because the power was out they were simply letting people leave. SWEET! Turns out half of downtown Montreal was without power for quite a while.
Ikea was all I dreamed it would be. I bought so much for the Monkey on this trip, why should I stop at Ikea. When Sis bought her house last year I painted a castle in Monkey's room. On our trip to Alberta I bought him a big dragon, a hobby horse and knights helmet and a dragon fleece blanket, all at Ikea. This trip I bought him the bedspread with knights and dragons and a really cool mirror that looks like a shuttered castle window. He loved it naturally and like the little obsessive compulsive he is he showed us exactly where he wants it hung. The bedspread couldn't be a better match for his room and it is not too babyish so it will grow with him.
Because of the late start we were very late getting home. I spent a good part of Friday at Sis' shop, telling her all about the giant rollercoasters I was on. She wouldn't have believed it if I didn't have the photos. I picked up Monkey from daycare and he was so excited to see us! I also had a visit with both of my grandmothers and helped Sis decorate a cake for a friend's bachelorette. I'll spare you the details.
Yesterday I cleaned a bit in the kitchen and got caught up on Big Love when it got too hot to do anything else. I had a call from Big Bro who informed me that he had quit his job and had just flown back to NB and was coming to town to visit his new girlfriend. He sure moves fast. He did get to see Mouse and his long lost son while he was out west. He would like to bring his son home to meet everyone at the end of the month.
Next weekend is the big birthday bash! I can hardly wait, we will have about 30 of our closest friends together for the weekend. Everyone is excited about the trip and there are a lot of people who will be going for the first time. But first I have to get ready for 4 LONG days of work before my next week off.
On Wednesday night Canknitian and Hubby went to see The Police at the Bell Centre and I went to church. Yes, you did read that right. My hubby, the catholic, went to a concert and I, the heathen, went to the basilica. I laughed the whole time I was dressing for church. I said that someone is likely to have a heart attack if word gets out that I went to church all on my own. Hubby said it would probably be God. The Notre-Dame Basilica has a "sound and light show" and I really wanted to see the inside. The show was a little cheesy but it did a great job of showcasing each part of the church and helping you focus on details would otherwise be overwhelming. After the show we could walk around and take pictures, it was very dark and my camera is not the greatest. (A problem soon to be remedied as my birthday approaches.)
Thursday morning we were preparing to check out and head to Ikea (aka the happiest place on earth) when the power went out. Hubby had just left to take the first load of bags to the car when the power went. We were sure he would be stuck in the elevator when he didn't come back to the room. After a bit we called the desk and asked if there was anyone in the elevator. Hubby wouldn't go on the rides at La Ronde and was likely to not be having any fun if he was stuck in the elevator. They assured us that everyone was out, eventually Hubby called to say he was in the lobby. He had made it down the hotel elevator and had his finger on the button for the tiny, smelly elevator to the parking garage when the power went. The power outage did mean a delay in getting checked out but it ended up saving us $100 in parking fees at the garage. When Hubby was waiting in the lobby there were some hotel staff escorting people who had flights to catch to their cars. Hubby tagged along and because the power was out they were simply letting people leave. SWEET! Turns out half of downtown Montreal was without power for quite a while.
Ikea was all I dreamed it would be. I bought so much for the Monkey on this trip, why should I stop at Ikea. When Sis bought her house last year I painted a castle in Monkey's room. On our trip to Alberta I bought him a big dragon, a hobby horse and knights helmet and a dragon fleece blanket, all at Ikea. This trip I bought him the bedspread with knights and dragons and a really cool mirror that looks like a shuttered castle window. He loved it naturally and like the little obsessive compulsive he is he showed us exactly where he wants it hung. The bedspread couldn't be a better match for his room and it is not too babyish so it will grow with him.
Because of the late start we were very late getting home. I spent a good part of Friday at Sis' shop, telling her all about the giant rollercoasters I was on. She wouldn't have believed it if I didn't have the photos. I picked up Monkey from daycare and he was so excited to see us! I also had a visit with both of my grandmothers and helped Sis decorate a cake for a friend's bachelorette. I'll spare you the details.
Yesterday I cleaned a bit in the kitchen and got caught up on Big Love when it got too hot to do anything else. I had a call from Big Bro who informed me that he had quit his job and had just flown back to NB and was coming to town to visit his new girlfriend. He sure moves fast. He did get to see Mouse and his long lost son while he was out west. He would like to bring his son home to meet everyone at the end of the month.
Next weekend is the big birthday bash! I can hardly wait, we will have about 30 of our closest friends together for the weekend. Everyone is excited about the trip and there are a lot of people who will be going for the first time. But first I have to get ready for 4 LONG days of work before my next week off.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Dans le belle provance
Bonjour à tous ! J'ai beaucoup d'amusement au Québec.
(Hello everyone! I am having a lot of fun in Quebec)
I wish I could say my French has improved since I got here but I am finding it hard to catch about 25% of what is being said. Most places have bilingual staff who are happy to speak to you in English, and my two travelling companions are both bilingual.
We are having a blast! On Saturday we went to two comedy shows for the Just for Laugh's Festival. We went to the Master's Show, hosted by Lewis Black and then to the Comedy Night in Canada show which was awesome! Hubby got to have his picture taken at the old Montreal Canadian's Forum (which has sadly now been turned into a theatre and mall.)
On Sunday I met up with Canknitian and her sister and we were off to La Ronde, a Six Flags Park. I was determined to be a good sport but was not sure how my nerves would hold up. I did quite well considering the only rides I declined to go on were ones that make you go upside down. I even went on the biggest ride there The Goliath, twice and started the day with the big, creaky, wooden roller coaster - Le Monstre. It was expensive but a lot of fun. We ate bad for us food and went on a bunch of rides before rushing back to the hotel to get ready for the grande finale. Hubby opted out of the park in favour of seeing more of the comedy festival. Here is his grand debut at the Saint Denis Theatre.
The 25th Anniversary All-Star Gala was great. I was a little disappointed that Lewis Black did the same material both nights but the show was hilarious. Tommy Tiernan did a bit about women and Princess Mental Syndrome, which can be hit or miss. A definite hit, he nailed, he basically reenacted the conversation Hubby and I have once a month that begins with "I have no clothes, these aren't clothes, they don't make clothes for me anymore, just for skinny bitches!"
Hubby and I were in tears laughing!
Monday we toured Old Montreal. It is beautiful with the cobblestone streets and ornate architecture. We bought a Museum Pass which gives us access to over 30 museums for 3 days and unlimited metro. A great deal for $45. We spent the rest of the day at the Montreal Science Centre where we played with lots of stuff and saw an IMAX Movie about the Alps.
We went for a stroll in the evening, had a late supper, and then hit the hay!
Yesterday we had a late start and met up with Canknitian's blogging friend for a day at the Montreal Museum of Fine Arts. They have a fantastic Emily Carr exhibit. We spent longer at the Museum than we intended but it was worth it. I also purchased a FABULOUS ring in the gift shop. I am in love, and it doesn't even have diamonds. I will have to post a photo. Nadine was terrific, she is an artist who makes crocheted jewelry, and she gave us lots of great tips on what we should see and eat while we are here.
Well I have to get ready for another fun filled day so I will fill you in on the rest of the trip a little later! Only one more sleep until Ikea!
(Hello everyone! I am having a lot of fun in Quebec)
I wish I could say my French has improved since I got here but I am finding it hard to catch about 25% of what is being said. Most places have bilingual staff who are happy to speak to you in English, and my two travelling companions are both bilingual.
We are having a blast! On Saturday we went to two comedy shows for the Just for Laugh's Festival. We went to the Master's Show, hosted by Lewis Black and then to the Comedy Night in Canada show which was awesome! Hubby got to have his picture taken at the old Montreal Canadian's Forum (which has sadly now been turned into a theatre and mall.)
On Sunday I met up with Canknitian and her sister and we were off to La Ronde, a Six Flags Park. I was determined to be a good sport but was not sure how my nerves would hold up. I did quite well considering the only rides I declined to go on were ones that make you go upside down. I even went on the biggest ride there The Goliath, twice and started the day with the big, creaky, wooden roller coaster - Le Monstre. It was expensive but a lot of fun. We ate bad for us food and went on a bunch of rides before rushing back to the hotel to get ready for the grande finale. Hubby opted out of the park in favour of seeing more of the comedy festival. Here is his grand debut at the Saint Denis Theatre.
The 25th Anniversary All-Star Gala was great. I was a little disappointed that Lewis Black did the same material both nights but the show was hilarious. Tommy Tiernan did a bit about women and Princess Mental Syndrome, which can be hit or miss. A definite hit, he nailed, he basically reenacted the conversation Hubby and I have once a month that begins with "I have no clothes, these aren't clothes, they don't make clothes for me anymore, just for skinny bitches!"
Hubby and I were in tears laughing!
Monday we toured Old Montreal. It is beautiful with the cobblestone streets and ornate architecture. We bought a Museum Pass which gives us access to over 30 museums for 3 days and unlimited metro. A great deal for $45. We spent the rest of the day at the Montreal Science Centre where we played with lots of stuff and saw an IMAX Movie about the Alps.
We went for a stroll in the evening, had a late supper, and then hit the hay!
Yesterday we had a late start and met up with Canknitian's blogging friend for a day at the Montreal Museum of Fine Arts. They have a fantastic Emily Carr exhibit. We spent longer at the Museum than we intended but it was worth it. I also purchased a FABULOUS ring in the gift shop. I am in love, and it doesn't even have diamonds. I will have to post a photo. Nadine was terrific, she is an artist who makes crocheted jewelry, and she gave us lots of great tips on what we should see and eat while we are here.
Well I have to get ready for another fun filled day so I will fill you in on the rest of the trip a little later! Only one more sleep until Ikea!
Saturday, July 21, 2007
And we're off!
It is 5:45 and we are just about ready to leave on our 8 hr drive to Montreal. While we would like to poke around a bit on our way there we can't take too long to get there as we have tickets to the Just for Laugh's show tonight. We are also going to attend the Final Gala tomorrow night.
Canknitian thinks she is going to get me on some Six Flags rollercoasters but I'm not sure it will happen. I think I would have fun if I got on but I overthink it and chicken out. I have not been on a big rollercoaster since I was 12 and we went on Thunder Mountain at Disney World. I sat in the very first cart between my grandparents. My grandmother and I screamed the whole time but thought in the end it was okay. My grandfather closed his eyes and said nothing, when we asked him if he would go again he just shook his head.
I'll be checking in along the way to tell you all about the fun I'm having.
P.S. Thanks for worrying NH Knitting Mama and thanks to Miss Me for the nomination as a Rockin' Girl Blogger! I love it!
Canknitian thinks she is going to get me on some Six Flags rollercoasters but I'm not sure it will happen. I think I would have fun if I got on but I overthink it and chicken out. I have not been on a big rollercoaster since I was 12 and we went on Thunder Mountain at Disney World. I sat in the very first cart between my grandparents. My grandmother and I screamed the whole time but thought in the end it was okay. My grandfather closed his eyes and said nothing, when we asked him if he would go again he just shook his head.
I'll be checking in along the way to tell you all about the fun I'm having.
P.S. Thanks for worrying NH Knitting Mama and thanks to Miss Me for the nomination as a Rockin' Girl Blogger! I love it!
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
That was quick!
It is all happening so quickly. I expected a couple of months wait before I got an appointment with the fertility clinic in Halifax but they called today and said they wanted to book me for next week. Fortunately/unfortunately I will be in Montreal with Canknitian and Hubby next week. They also tried to book me on either side of the long weekend which is not going to work because it is the weekend for the big birthday beach bash. So after a bit of back and forth we were able to book the appointment for August 16th.
I know it probably didn’t sound to them like I was a woman desperate to have a baby but I really wasn’t prepared for it to be this quick. I need more time to talk myself into the whole thing. I’m not sure I can do it, the shots, the expense, the super crazy. None of it sounds like any fun! I was just saying last night how nice it was to not feel crazy, I feel more like myself than I have in 3 years! I also have also not been preoccupied obsessing over it all. Oh well, I guess that was short lived because my mind is racing today.
Last weekend we went back up to the in-law’s to help out in the set up for the long weekend. They didn’t let us do much but we did get the two screen houses up and a bench brought up from the basement. I say “we” but unfortunately “I” did not do any of it. Friday night I fell asleep on the loveseat and have been paying for it ever since. I am hoping my back will right itself before our trip to Montreal this weekend, it will be a long 8 hours otherwise.
Sis and Monkey had a great time with us at the beach. Surprisingly the water was warm enough to swim. We had a tiny little fire to roast some marshmallows and watched the neighbours burn everything else that had washed up on shore. Four men from the community were having a farewell party before they left for Afghanistan and in their honour they piled every piece of driftwood on the beach into a giant fire! It was probably the second biggest fire we’ve seen there. The first being the time they set blaze to an old fishing boat that had been hauled up from the bay.
I also hit the mother of all fabric sales on the weekend. The store was going out of business and everything was 75% off. While it was pretty picked over I still managed to get 12 patterns and material for 7 outfits. That does not include the 2 dresses my MIL has commissioned. Looks like I have my work cut out for me!
I know it probably didn’t sound to them like I was a woman desperate to have a baby but I really wasn’t prepared for it to be this quick. I need more time to talk myself into the whole thing. I’m not sure I can do it, the shots, the expense, the super crazy. None of it sounds like any fun! I was just saying last night how nice it was to not feel crazy, I feel more like myself than I have in 3 years! I also have also not been preoccupied obsessing over it all. Oh well, I guess that was short lived because my mind is racing today.
Last weekend we went back up to the in-law’s to help out in the set up for the long weekend. They didn’t let us do much but we did get the two screen houses up and a bench brought up from the basement. I say “we” but unfortunately “I” did not do any of it. Friday night I fell asleep on the loveseat and have been paying for it ever since. I am hoping my back will right itself before our trip to Montreal this weekend, it will be a long 8 hours otherwise.
Sis and Monkey had a great time with us at the beach. Surprisingly the water was warm enough to swim. We had a tiny little fire to roast some marshmallows and watched the neighbours burn everything else that had washed up on shore. Four men from the community were having a farewell party before they left for Afghanistan and in their honour they piled every piece of driftwood on the beach into a giant fire! It was probably the second biggest fire we’ve seen there. The first being the time they set blaze to an old fishing boat that had been hauled up from the bay.
I also hit the mother of all fabric sales on the weekend. The store was going out of business and everything was 75% off. While it was pretty picked over I still managed to get 12 patterns and material for 7 outfits. That does not include the 2 dresses my MIL has commissioned. Looks like I have my work cut out for me!
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Busy Week
It just never seems to slow down, I just finish my year end reports and I have to dive right into finding funding for this year. Ah, non-profit life. Why did I decide not to go into private practice? Money woes aside things are going well, the new staff have jumped right in and seem to be working out great.
Monkey and I have had two play dates this week, including tonight's trip to the library. Tomorrow we are heading back to the in-law's to prepare for the up coming Birthday Beach Bash Extravaganza! Lil' Sis and Monkey will be coming with us to do some beach combing.
It looks like we will have over 30 of our closest pals join us for the beach party. Because my FIL has a broken paw we will be going to set up the screen house, the outdoor shower etc. It promises to be a wild time. We have all of the regulars and a whole bunch of newbies at the Club Med of the North. In honour of my FIL, this year's slogan is "Break a Leg!"
I am more excited about the birthday weekend than I am about my trip to Monteal. Although I have to say I am thrilled that we got tickets to see Lewis Black!
Monkey and I have had two play dates this week, including tonight's trip to the library. Tomorrow we are heading back to the in-law's to prepare for the up coming Birthday Beach Bash Extravaganza! Lil' Sis and Monkey will be coming with us to do some beach combing.
It looks like we will have over 30 of our closest pals join us for the beach party. Because my FIL has a broken paw we will be going to set up the screen house, the outdoor shower etc. It promises to be a wild time. We have all of the regulars and a whole bunch of newbies at the Club Med of the North. In honour of my FIL, this year's slogan is "Break a Leg!"
I am more excited about the birthday weekend than I am about my trip to Monteal. Although I have to say I am thrilled that we got tickets to see Lewis Black!
Saturday, July 7, 2007
The FSH Follies(?) - Preface
Some good news – at last! All of your good vibes must have done something. Hubby and I had a long week and a long evening last night. We went to dinner with my cousins and Sis, they all have young children so naturally the conversation was about kids. We made it through the evening but we were exhausted when we got home. I was unwinding in front of the tv when Hubby calls from upstairs.
He: “You have to come up and see this!”
Me: “Sigh” (He says this at least once a night!)
He: No really, it is not like the other times I told you to come see this, I mean you really have to come see this.
He had stopped to check his email before bed and there was an email from his insurance company. Apparently the other day when he called and left a message, he also sent an email to the company before they returned his call. The person who called was not at all helpful and told him they did not cover any fertility treatment.
When he wrote the email, he had asked not only about IVF but also about the coverage for the drugs. The email we got back said that they will cover 80% of all my drugs including the injections of FSH! They won’t cover the needles, appointments or any procedures but the drugs alone are $1000-2000/month. $200-$400 a month is still a lot but it is doable.
Can I get a WHO-HOOO!
What is even better is that because I live in beautiful, wonderful Canada most everything else is covered by Medicare. My doctor here will be administering the program and arranging for my ultrasounds etc. so they will be covered by Medicare. This does not include invitro but hopefully it won’t come to that!
I’m still not 100% convinced I want to do the shots, that could mean a whole new level of crazy. Oh yeah, and I have a HUGE phobia of needles. The doc said he could show me how to do my own – can’t see it happening. He also said he could show Hubby how to do it but I think he’d be worse at it than me. I told him my Sis, the vet tech, has offered to jab me once a day and he laughed and said he could show her how to mix the drugs.
He also said he could have the nurse at his office do it for me and leave a standing order at the hospital for them to give me the shots.
At the very least I will go to Halifax to see the specialists there and see what they recommend. I feel better just knowing I have options, I may not exercise them but at least I have options.
So while we have reached the conclusion of the Clomid Chronicles we may soon begin the FSH Follies. I think the new title is both catchy and appropriately named.
fol·lies
1. A lack of good sense, understanding, or foresight.
2.
a. An act or instance of foolishness
b. A costly undertaking having an absurd or ruinous outcome.
3. follies (used with a sing. or pl. verb) An elaborate theatrical revue consisting of music, dance, and skits.
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/follies
He: “You have to come up and see this!”
Me: “Sigh” (He says this at least once a night!)
He: No really, it is not like the other times I told you to come see this, I mean you really have to come see this.
He had stopped to check his email before bed and there was an email from his insurance company. Apparently the other day when he called and left a message, he also sent an email to the company before they returned his call. The person who called was not at all helpful and told him they did not cover any fertility treatment.
When he wrote the email, he had asked not only about IVF but also about the coverage for the drugs. The email we got back said that they will cover 80% of all my drugs including the injections of FSH! They won’t cover the needles, appointments or any procedures but the drugs alone are $1000-2000/month. $200-$400 a month is still a lot but it is doable.
Can I get a WHO-HOOO!
What is even better is that because I live in beautiful, wonderful Canada most everything else is covered by Medicare. My doctor here will be administering the program and arranging for my ultrasounds etc. so they will be covered by Medicare. This does not include invitro but hopefully it won’t come to that!
I’m still not 100% convinced I want to do the shots, that could mean a whole new level of crazy. Oh yeah, and I have a HUGE phobia of needles. The doc said he could show me how to do my own – can’t see it happening. He also said he could show Hubby how to do it but I think he’d be worse at it than me. I told him my Sis, the vet tech, has offered to jab me once a day and he laughed and said he could show her how to mix the drugs.
He also said he could have the nurse at his office do it for me and leave a standing order at the hospital for them to give me the shots.
At the very least I will go to Halifax to see the specialists there and see what they recommend. I feel better just knowing I have options, I may not exercise them but at least I have options.
So while we have reached the conclusion of the Clomid Chronicles we may soon begin the FSH Follies. I think the new title is both catchy and appropriately named.
fol·lies
1. A lack of good sense, understanding, or foresight.
2.
a. An act or instance of foolishness
b. A costly undertaking having an absurd or ruinous outcome.
3. follies (used with a sing. or pl. verb) An elaborate theatrical revue consisting of music, dance, and skits.
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/follies
Thursday, July 5, 2007
The Clomid Chronicles - Vol. 2, Part 4 - The end
This is the end of the Clomid Chronicles, I've finished my last round and barring a miracle in the next few weeks I will not be having a child. I have a wicked case of 'poor me' with a whole lot of "what the hell did I do to deserve this" It is clouding everything and things I would normally take great joy in are just heartbreaking.
I forced myself to keep my weekly library night with the Monkey, its not fair to him to cancel. We are all but 3 books away from our goal of 100 books. I had thought about planning party for the occasion but I'm not feeling festive. I will do something for him but I just can't get excited about it myself. I can't help but feel like I am some pathetic barren aunt with no children of her own so she spoils someone else's kids. Next I'll be adopting 50 cats!
In other good news, on the day I have to give up my hope of a baby, my brother has kids coming out of the woodwork. He tells me that he has finally found his 13 year old son. He knew he had a son but he and the mother had split up when she was pregnant and she wanted to raise him on her own. My brother is only 2 years older than me and he "officially" has three children. He has also reunited with the Mouse's mom.
If you are trying to track the family tree you may get lost in the forest. My "new" nephew is the oldest of my nephew and nieces, he is the same age as my youngest brother and only a few months older than his little sister (don't ask) and 11 years older than his youngest sister (Mouse). In an odd coincidence he is exactly the same age my brother was when he found our father.
Like I said, at another time I would be overjoyed, I am happy for both of them. I have often wondered about him and if I would ever have the chance to meet him. I know it has nothing to do with me but it just feels like another painful reminder that I am the only one in my family who cannot have children. With a number of cousins with due dates in the next few months this will only get harder.
I'm tired of listening to myself mope, kudos to those of you who have read along through the chronicles. I really appreciate the supportive notes, they do help.
I forced myself to keep my weekly library night with the Monkey, its not fair to him to cancel. We are all but 3 books away from our goal of 100 books. I had thought about planning party for the occasion but I'm not feeling festive. I will do something for him but I just can't get excited about it myself. I can't help but feel like I am some pathetic barren aunt with no children of her own so she spoils someone else's kids. Next I'll be adopting 50 cats!
In other good news, on the day I have to give up my hope of a baby, my brother has kids coming out of the woodwork. He tells me that he has finally found his 13 year old son. He knew he had a son but he and the mother had split up when she was pregnant and she wanted to raise him on her own. My brother is only 2 years older than me and he "officially" has three children. He has also reunited with the Mouse's mom.
If you are trying to track the family tree you may get lost in the forest. My "new" nephew is the oldest of my nephew and nieces, he is the same age as my youngest brother and only a few months older than his little sister (don't ask) and 11 years older than his youngest sister (Mouse). In an odd coincidence he is exactly the same age my brother was when he found our father.
Like I said, at another time I would be overjoyed, I am happy for both of them. I have often wondered about him and if I would ever have the chance to meet him. I know it has nothing to do with me but it just feels like another painful reminder that I am the only one in my family who cannot have children. With a number of cousins with due dates in the next few months this will only get harder.
I'm tired of listening to myself mope, kudos to those of you who have read along through the chronicles. I really appreciate the supportive notes, they do help.
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
The Clomid Chronicles - Vol. 2, Part 3 - Bad News
What a bad, bad, crumby, miserable day. I was right about the Doctor's news - it was all bad. It appears the next few days will mark the end of the Clomid Chronicles. Apparently, I am 1% of his patients that have not had success on these drugs. He told me I was just a tough cookie and the drugs have had little or no impact on my bloodwork. Wile it will be nice to be myself again, eventually, it means the end of the road for my fertility treatments.
Our insurance will not cover any injectable hormones or any IVF treatments. We could afford to do a couple of months but it would mean some serious life changes, set back out house buying plans and cost us thousands of dollars a month on a chance. I'm not sure it is even worth going for the consultation.
Hubby is taking it hard and both of us have been miserable today. I cried at work, in the car, at the doctor's, at home, at pilates, and even at the ice cream parlor. Its is a sad state of affairs when ice cream can't cheer me up. I tried to avoid the two new staff members as best I could with out coming across as rude.
I'm off to bed to finally end the day.
Our insurance will not cover any injectable hormones or any IVF treatments. We could afford to do a couple of months but it would mean some serious life changes, set back out house buying plans and cost us thousands of dollars a month on a chance. I'm not sure it is even worth going for the consultation.
Hubby is taking it hard and both of us have been miserable today. I cried at work, in the car, at the doctor's, at home, at pilates, and even at the ice cream parlor. Its is a sad state of affairs when ice cream can't cheer me up. I tried to avoid the two new staff members as best I could with out coming across as rude.
I'm off to bed to finally end the day.
The Clomid Chronicles - Vol. 2, Part 2 - Bracing myself.
This round I have kept myself quite busy and this has helped a lot. Having no time to wallow does it. I have been run ragged at work, I was even in over the long weekend trying to put the finishing touches on my year end report. With a full 62 pages compiled, I all but put the stamp on it last night. Hurray! Now I get to spend three weeks writing a proposal to do it all again next year.
I must tell you that on Saturday I had a small um, let's call it an incident (sounds better than 'fit'). I got up, hit the shower and put my watch and rings back on. A couple of hours later I noticed I wasn't wearing my wedding rings. I figured I must not have put them back on, although I was sure I had because I was wearing my watch. I checked the shelf where I distinctly remembered putting them before my shower. Gone. OMG I've lost my wedding rings! Could they have fallen into the toilet? No, I was the only one home I would have noticed. I ran around the house in a panic trying to find my rings, checked the nightstand, the kitchen they were no where to be found. I was on the verge of having a complete meltdown, I figured these damn crazy pills had me so messed up I couldn't remember where I put them, as I sat wringing my hands I noticed that I had put them on the wrong hand. Doh! On a sane day I would have sat down to think about it and noticed it was on the wrong hand, on a Clomid day I go right from zero to crazy.
I am bracing myself for my Dr.'s appointment this morning. What is he thinking putting me in a waiting room with a bunch of pregnant people on Day 7. (the first day 7 I have ever had) We are going to talk about the result from my HSG and my bloodwork. I know he's just going to tell me that the drugs aren't working and that the HSG came back clear. As crazy as the pills make me, I am afraid he is going to take me off and tell me there is nothing more he can do. I had so much hope that I was pregnant just two weeks ago and I don't think I'm ready to give up the possibility of having a pregnancy. There have been times when I was ready to quit, and swore I would never take the pills again but that would have been my choice and not someone telling me that it isn't an option is so much different. It is like deciding that you need to loose some weight compared to having a someone tell you to loose a few pounds. It is a big difference.
I guess I don't want to admit to myself that I am just that broken. It feels like a personal failure although I am completely aware that I have no control over it.
Send me all your good vibes, I could use them today.
I must tell you that on Saturday I had a small um, let's call it an incident (sounds better than 'fit'). I got up, hit the shower and put my watch and rings back on. A couple of hours later I noticed I wasn't wearing my wedding rings. I figured I must not have put them back on, although I was sure I had because I was wearing my watch. I checked the shelf where I distinctly remembered putting them before my shower. Gone. OMG I've lost my wedding rings! Could they have fallen into the toilet? No, I was the only one home I would have noticed. I ran around the house in a panic trying to find my rings, checked the nightstand, the kitchen they were no where to be found. I was on the verge of having a complete meltdown, I figured these damn crazy pills had me so messed up I couldn't remember where I put them, as I sat wringing my hands I noticed that I had put them on the wrong hand. Doh! On a sane day I would have sat down to think about it and noticed it was on the wrong hand, on a Clomid day I go right from zero to crazy.
I am bracing myself for my Dr.'s appointment this morning. What is he thinking putting me in a waiting room with a bunch of pregnant people on Day 7. (the first day 7 I have ever had) We are going to talk about the result from my HSG and my bloodwork. I know he's just going to tell me that the drugs aren't working and that the HSG came back clear. As crazy as the pills make me, I am afraid he is going to take me off and tell me there is nothing more he can do. I had so much hope that I was pregnant just two weeks ago and I don't think I'm ready to give up the possibility of having a pregnancy. There have been times when I was ready to quit, and swore I would never take the pills again but that would have been my choice and not someone telling me that it isn't an option is so much different. It is like deciding that you need to loose some weight compared to having a someone tell you to loose a few pounds. It is a big difference.
I guess I don't want to admit to myself that I am just that broken. It feels like a personal failure although I am completely aware that I have no control over it.
Send me all your good vibes, I could use them today.
Sunday, July 1, 2007
HAPPY CANADA DAY!
I was surprised at how few people had Canada on their list of places they would like to visit. Canada has so many great destinations and the fact that it is so large means we have a little bit of everything. I thought in honour of Canada Day I would try to convince some of my fellow travelers to add Canada, and in particular New Brunswick. So here are some of the things I love about New Brunswick.
Our capital city, Fredericton – The City of Stately Elms, Noble Daughter of the Forest, is possibly the most beautiful city in Canada and probably one of the smallest. It is not even the biggest city in New Brunswick. Unfortunately we lost many of our stately elms to disease a number of years ago but the replacements are well on their way and there are still many beautiful old elms, many taller than the buildings around them.
Our capital city, Fredericton – The City of Stately Elms, Noble Daughter of the Forest, is possibly the most beautiful city in Canada and probably one of the smallest. It is not even the biggest city in New Brunswick. Unfortunately we lost many of our stately elms to disease a number of years ago but the replacements are well on their way and there are still many beautiful old elms, many taller than the buildings around them.
The beautiful Saint John River and the world renowned Miramichi River (rumour has it that more than one American celebrity own or visit fishing camps along the Miramichi.) I love that we are in a valley and crossing the Saint John River river every morning on my way to work. I also love the fact that my morning commute from the north side of Fredericton to downtown on the south side takes me all of 10 minutes in rush hour. Only 5 minutes when there is no traffic.
Fredericton also has two terrific universities – UNB and St. Thomas University. UNB Law has consistently ranked as one of the best law schools in Canada. My American friends may be interested to know that both John F. Kennedy and Robert Kennedy received honourary degrees from the University of New Brunswick in 1957 and 1967. The two universities share the most beautiful campus overlooking the river with buildings in red brick. Although there were many days I cursed ‘the hill’ and wondered why they had to put the law school at the top.
You can be in PEI, or Halifax in hours, you can go just about anywhere in Nova Scotia or Prince Edward Island in a day. Cape Breton is perhaps the most beautiful place in the world we went over for a wedding on one weekend and loved it so much we drove back and toured the Cabot Trail the next weekend. Every corner was breathtaking! Although Canknitian and I would have to warn that Meat Cove is only a ‘virtually bug free campground’ because it is on the end of the world and it was so windy and cold the bugs had the good sense to leave. Mind you that was only at night and I will never forget the sun rising out of the Atlantic Ocean. I have been in early September but I’d love to see it in the fall.
While we don’t really have a metropolitan club scene there are hundreds of terrific pubs. A couple of favourites are The Snooty Fox, The Lunar Rogue, and Dolan’s Pub.
Pubs brings me to music. You have to smile and tap your feet when you listen to Maritime music. Some of the better known would be Great Big Sea, the Rankin Family, Stompin’ Tom Connors, Sarah McLaughlin started as a Maritime artist from Halifax but I’m not sure when that changed. It seems like every week we have a different festival, there is the Harvest Jazz and Blues Festival, The Country Music Festival, The Highland Games and Scottish Festival, the NB Summer Music Festival, and that is just in Fredericton! The Highland Games is by far my favourite, say what you will about bagpipes but there are few things that feel more like home than good old Maritime Celtic music. (And I don’t care what you say there is something undeniably attractive about a manly men in a manly skirt!)
Here is a link to all the other great stuff going on in Fredericton this summer.
I love that we are Canada’s only officially bilingual province. While I don’t speak any French, my in-laws are Francophone and so on many occasions you can hear my MIL and I having a conversation in two languages. Don’t let a lack of French stop you from visiting the Acadian Peninsula, the people there are very accommodating and an English speaking person can easily get by.
I love being near the ocean. You can reach salt water in any directions but West. The Chaleur Bay to the north has many private beaches and by late July early August it is really great for swimming. On a calm day the water is so clear you can float along the top and watch the fish and crabs along the bottom and on other days you can spend hours riding the waves (thing wave pool not surfing). Along the East coast we have some great beaches at Kouchibouguac National Park or Parlee Beach Provincial Park which has the warmest salt water north of Virginia. To the South we have Fundy National Park on the Bay of Fundy which is has the world's highest tides. There are great little seaside towns and attractions all along the south shore, St. Andrews by the Sea is a favourite destination.
Did I mention the great place names like Kouchibouguac (KOOSH-e-boo-gwack)?
If you are into seafood, you can either enjoy some of the fine cuisine at the Algonquin or you can cook up yourself. Personally I’m not a fan but I know people who have visited New Brunswick and left with cases of live lobster to fly it home with them.
If you are the outdoorsy type there is a lot to explore by canoe, kayak, bike, walking trails. You can stay in the city and travel out on day trips or you can camp in the wilderness.
We have fantastic farmer’s markets, lots of historical and cultural attractions, you can watch pottery being made or check out the Salvador Dali and Group of Seven paintings at the Beaverbrook Art Gallery. If you can’t get here to see them in person you can check out the collection on their website – very cool.
Oh did I forget to mention to my fellow yarnaholics that we also have Briggs and Little Woolen Mill which is celebrating its 150th year and London-Wul Fiber Arts.
Have I convinced you to add New Brunswick to your list of travel destinations? Perhaps my fellow NBers could add their comments. Bring your knitting and we’ll share a drink on the deck!
Friday, June 29, 2007
The Clomid Chronicles - Vol. 2, Part 1 - There not fair and then there is just playing dirty!
I am sorry to announce the second volume of the Clomid Chronicles. I am feeling a little bit resentful about this round (yes, more than usual). This is mostly because I was sure it had worked and that I would be announcing happy news. Which brings me to the title of this installment. Life is not fair, we all know this, but there is not fair and then there is just playing dirty! I know I only set myself up for disappointment by getting my hopes up but this month I was 5 DAYS late. That is a long time, I took the pregnancy tests stashed in my cupboard. (Those who have not dealt with infertility may not know this but you can buy pregnancy test strips in bulk!) Each time the test was negative - not even a hint but I told myself it may just be too soon to test. Sadly that is not the case.
I asked Hubby to go to the drugstore to pick up the Crazy Pills and he came back in a huff. They said they didn't have it, so your doctor probably didn't call it in. He asked the woman at the pharmacy if there was anything she could do since I was suppose to start the pills that night and he said the woman was really rude to him so he had stormed out. (It is not like they are prescription pain meds!)
So I called the pharmacy and got the woman on the phone, I told her my name and said that my husband had just left there and said there was some mix-up with my prescription. She snarked at me and told me she had checked everywhere and it was NOT there. So I explained that last month there was some confusion because they had filled the order as soon as the Doc called it in and it had been sitting at the cash, when I called to fill it they told me there were no refills. I asked if it was possible that this had happened again.
She assured me that she had looked already and that they filled my last prescription on June 11. Ah-ha! To told her that was the day the doc had called it in, it must be there. I explained that it would have been a full month ago that I picked up the last prescription. (A full month and 5 DAYS to be precise!) I then had the audacity to ask her to "please look again. " She assured me again that she had already looked but that she would (reluctantly) look again. "Sigh" Wait, wait, wait. "I am SO sorry, they were at the back of the drawer by the cash. Can someone be here in the next 8 minutes to pick it up before close?"
So it was off to a rocky start. When I got the prescription - on Day 2 - I looked at the label and noticed that he has bumped up the dose again. It is still 3 pills a day but for 7 days instead of 5. Yikes!
I have done my due diligence and warned my co-workers. This is after all crunch time for final reports and financial statements and STRESS + CRAZY =TROUBLE! Stay tuned!
Now here are the promised pictures from our weekend at the beach with Monkey and my FABULOUS Spring Felted Bag!
Monkey and Teecee flying a kite
Monkey helps build the fire.
We put the crab in the bucket (and touched it!)
Hubby and Monkey in the water.
In my happy place!
And now the bag!
Purple also makes me happy! Look at this bag! I love the beautifully knit roses and Laurie did a great job on the lining. I really like the handles too, it gives it a very professional look. I just can't find handles like that here. All I can really find is the bamboo circles.
Thanks again Laurie, you rock!
I asked Hubby to go to the drugstore to pick up the Crazy Pills and he came back in a huff. They said they didn't have it, so your doctor probably didn't call it in. He asked the woman at the pharmacy if there was anything she could do since I was suppose to start the pills that night and he said the woman was really rude to him so he had stormed out. (It is not like they are prescription pain meds!)
So I called the pharmacy and got the woman on the phone, I told her my name and said that my husband had just left there and said there was some mix-up with my prescription. She snarked at me and told me she had checked everywhere and it was NOT there. So I explained that last month there was some confusion because they had filled the order as soon as the Doc called it in and it had been sitting at the cash, when I called to fill it they told me there were no refills. I asked if it was possible that this had happened again.
She assured me that she had looked already and that they filled my last prescription on June 11. Ah-ha! To told her that was the day the doc had called it in, it must be there. I explained that it would have been a full month ago that I picked up the last prescription. (A full month and 5 DAYS to be precise!) I then had the audacity to ask her to "please look again. " She assured me again that she had already looked but that she would (reluctantly) look again. "Sigh" Wait, wait, wait. "I am SO sorry, they were at the back of the drawer by the cash. Can someone be here in the next 8 minutes to pick it up before close?"
So it was off to a rocky start. When I got the prescription - on Day 2 - I looked at the label and noticed that he has bumped up the dose again. It is still 3 pills a day but for 7 days instead of 5. Yikes!
I have done my due diligence and warned my co-workers. This is after all crunch time for final reports and financial statements and STRESS + CRAZY =TROUBLE! Stay tuned!
Now here are the promised pictures from our weekend at the beach with Monkey and my FABULOUS Spring Felted Bag!
Monkey and Teecee flying a kite
Monkey helps build the fire.
We put the crab in the bucket (and touched it!)Hubby and Monkey in the water.
In my happy place!
And now the bag!
Purple also makes me happy! Look at this bag! I love the beautifully knit roses and Laurie did a great job on the lining. I really like the handles too, it gives it a very professional look. I just can't find handles like that here. All I can really find is the bamboo circles.
Thanks again Laurie, you rock!
Thursday, June 28, 2007
My Computer Hates Me.
I had a great weekend update drafted-complete with oh-so-cute photos from the beach. However, it will have to wait. My internet went out in the middle of my post so Blogger didn't save my files, my computer has decided not to recognized the memory card so I can't reload the pictures I had picked out and I've tried 4 different USB cords and can't find the one for the ____ing camera.
I assure you we had a great weekend and I will post great pictures when my PC gets over itself and lets me get on with my blogging.
Unfortunately this also prevents me from sharing with you the photos of my most fabulous Spring Felted Bag! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you Laurie! I just love it and everyone (except my sister who hates purple) is very jealous! Even Lil' Sis agreed that it absolutely suited me. Sorry fellow felters, I assure you I will share pics soon.
I assure you we had a great weekend and I will post great pictures when my PC gets over itself and lets me get on with my blogging.
Unfortunately this also prevents me from sharing with you the photos of my most fabulous Spring Felted Bag! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you Laurie! I just love it and everyone (except my sister who hates purple) is very jealous! Even Lil' Sis agreed that it absolutely suited me. Sorry fellow felters, I assure you I will share pics soon.
Monday, June 25, 2007
What I Said Never Changed Anybody; What They Understood Did.
Thanks folks for the comments on my last rant. Family can be difficult sometimes and while I do let my father get to me from time to time, I have become much better at dealing with our interpersonal conflicts. There are two things that have helped me tremendously.
The first was sound advice from my mother. When I was ranting about something my father had said or done she said:
People are who they are - faults and all. If someone always lets you down you need to change your expectations from them. If you expect them to do what they have always done you may be pleasantly surprised when they do something different but you will be prepared and less disappointed when they don't. It sounds kind of cynical but really it is more about accepting people they way they are. This has become my personal mantra and has served me well with family, friends and co-workers.
I have said before that I am not a religious person but the second thing that has helped shape the way I deal with difficult people or situations is a poem that has a habit of turning up at the most appropriate times. I first found it in a pile of papers in my office that were left behind by my predecessor. I was sorting through a pile of random papers when this piece of paper caught my attention.
I know, it doesn't sound like me at all! The first time I found this piece of paper my father was on a path that was not only self-destructive but causing a lot of grief for those around him. This little piece of paper changed my whole perspective. I have hung on to it, copied it for friends dealing with a difficult situation, and every now and then it surfaces. Last night I was ironing when I knocked the iron off the board spilling water everywhere. When I went to clean it up I found a copy of the 'poem' tucked behind a box. I have no idea how it got there.
I have now shared all of my personal wisdom and the full extent of my spirituality. Are you feeling more enlightened? Maybe I'll add spiritual guru to my list of skills. Hopefully some of it will be helpful to someone else; who knows maybe it this has found you at just the right time!
The first was sound advice from my mother. When I was ranting about something my father had said or done she said:
"If you don't expect him to change; you won't be disappointed."
People are who they are - faults and all. If someone always lets you down you need to change your expectations from them. If you expect them to do what they have always done you may be pleasantly surprised when they do something different but you will be prepared and less disappointed when they don't. It sounds kind of cynical but really it is more about accepting people they way they are. This has become my personal mantra and has served me well with family, friends and co-workers.
I have said before that I am not a religious person but the second thing that has helped shape the way I deal with difficult people or situations is a poem that has a habit of turning up at the most appropriate times. I first found it in a pile of papers in my office that were left behind by my predecessor. I was sorting through a pile of random papers when this piece of paper caught my attention.
What I Said Never Changed Anybody; What They Understood Did - Paul P.
How often have we given our all to change somebody else?
How frantically have we tried to force a loved one to see the light?
How hopelessly have we watched a destructive pattern
- perhaps a pattern we know well from personal experience-
bring terrible pain to someone who is dear to us?
All of us have.
We would do anything to save the people we love.
In our desperation, we imagine that if we say just the right words,
In just the right way, our loved ones will understand.
If change happens, we think our efforts have succeeded.
If change doesn't happen, we think our efforts have failed.
But neither is true.
Even our best efforts do not have the power to change somebody else.
Nor do we have that responsibility.
People are only persuaded by what they understand.
And they, as we, can understand a deeper truth only when it is their time
To grow toward deeper understanding.
Not Before.
Today, I will focus on changing myself and entrust those I love to the Higher Power,
who loves them even more than I do.
I know, it doesn't sound like me at all! The first time I found this piece of paper my father was on a path that was not only self-destructive but causing a lot of grief for those around him. This little piece of paper changed my whole perspective. I have hung on to it, copied it for friends dealing with a difficult situation, and every now and then it surfaces. Last night I was ironing when I knocked the iron off the board spilling water everywhere. When I went to clean it up I found a copy of the 'poem' tucked behind a box. I have no idea how it got there.
I have now shared all of my personal wisdom and the full extent of my spirituality. Are you feeling more enlightened? Maybe I'll add spiritual guru to my list of skills. Hopefully some of it will be helpful to someone else; who knows maybe it this has found you at just the right time!
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