What I Said Never Changed Anybody; What They Understood Did.

Thanks folks for the comments on my last rant. Family can be difficult sometimes and while I do let my father get to me from time to time, I have become much better at dealing with our interpersonal conflicts. There are two things that have helped me tremendously.

The first was sound advice from my mother. When I was ranting about something my father had said or done she said:

"If you don't expect him to change; you won't be disappointed."

People are who they are - faults and all. If someone always lets you down you need to change your expectations from them. If you expect them to do what they have always done you may be pleasantly surprised when they do something different but you will be prepared and less disappointed when they don't. It sounds kind of cynical but really it is more about accepting people they way they are. This has become my personal mantra and has served me well with family, friends and co-workers.

I have said before that I am not a religious person but the second thing that has helped shape the way I deal with difficult people or situations is a poem that has a habit of turning up at the most appropriate times. I first found it in a pile of papers in my office that were left behind by my predecessor. I was sorting through a pile of random papers when this piece of paper caught my attention.

What I Said Never Changed Anybody; What They Understood Did - Paul P.

How often have we given our all to change somebody else?

How frantically have we tried to force a loved one to see the light?

How hopelessly have we watched a destructive pattern

- perhaps a pattern we know well from personal experience-

bring terrible pain to someone who is dear to us?

All of us have.

We would do anything to save the people we love.

In our desperation, we imagine that if we say just the right words,

In just the right way, our loved ones will understand.

If change happens, we think our efforts have succeeded.

If change doesn't happen, we think our efforts have failed.

But neither is true.

Even our best efforts do not have the power to change somebody else.

Nor do we have that responsibility.

People are only persuaded by what they understand.

And they, as we, can understand a deeper truth only when it is their time

To grow toward deeper understanding.

Not Before.

Today, I will focus on changing myself and entrust those I love to the Higher Power,

who loves them even more than I do.

I know, it doesn't sound like me at all! The first time I found this piece of paper my father was on a path that was not only self-destructive but causing a lot of grief for those around him. This little piece of paper changed my whole perspective. I have hung on to it, copied it for friends dealing with a difficult situation, and every now and then it surfaces. Last night I was ironing when I knocked the iron off the board spilling water everywhere. When I went to clean it up I found a copy of the 'poem' tucked behind a box. I have no idea how it got there.

I have now shared all of my personal wisdom and the full extent of my spirituality. Are you feeling more enlightened? Maybe I'll add spiritual guru to my list of skills. Hopefully some of it will be helpful to someone else; who knows maybe it this has found you at just the right time!