10 years of marriage

Okay so I've neglected my blog for the last 6 months.

I did start to write the following post for my anniversary in June but it never got finished. I started it on our anniversary and celebrated with our friends late into the night. I must have planned to finish it the next morning but that was the day I found out I am deathly allergic to asprin. Thank goodness for good friends and good drugs.

I'll post an update soon with all the excitement we've had in the last 6 months but for now here is the post from June.

June 2008
I can hardly believe I've been married for 10 years! Turning 30 didn't faze me a bit but being married 10 years makes me feel old. Of course the fact that my Grandparents have been married for 60 years makes 10 seem like a drop in the bucket.


All the same it is milestone! Although the time has flown by it certainly hasn't been an easy ride. We have had the normal ups and downs that come from being married young like learning to manage money and stress. We've survived law school, three heart surgeries, years of fertility treatments and the related drama. We've also had a lot of fun, adventures and good friends. One thing I can say for certain is that it has never been boring.


When I look back I think we were soooo young. I was only 22 and Hubby was 24. We didn't rush into it by any means, we had dated for 4 years and were engaged for a year and a half before the actual wedding. We were the first of our friends to get married and the girls who stood up with me then are still among my closest friends today.



Things I've learned in 10 years of marriage:

• You can be truly in love at 22.


• The person you marry today will be exactly the same in 10 years. You will not change their habits, bad jokes or hobbies. If they leave dirty socks in the living room they probably always will. (you can't undo 24 years of habit in 10 years but maybe by our 25th anniversary...)


• My personal opinion is that you should definately live with someone before you get married. The things that drive you nuts today will still drive you crazy in 10 years. You may think that leaving that you'd get over the fact they leave the cap of the toothpaste but 3650 mornings later it will still annoy you.


• It takes just as much patience for someone to live with you for 10 years as it does for you to live with them.


• "Your in-laws" eventually become just "your family".

• "In sickness and in heath" is not just something you say in your vows, you have to mean it.

• Even though you think in 14 years you could know everything about someone they will still say/do/buy things that will completely shock you.

• You will remember some details from your wedding day but will completely forget some of the names in the guest book. ("Didn't they work with you?")

I'm not sure what else I had planned to add to this list back in June but I have to say that a marriage, or at least my marriage, could not survive without the support of friends and family. The secret of our success has been having friends who surround us with love, share our sad days and celebrate our good times. Some people put a lot of effort keeping up appearances but Hubby andI rely on our friends and luckily they are always there for us.

Sugarbush and Foxy Brown

I've had a great weekend. My workshop on Friday went off without a hitch and I was able to come home Friday night instead of Saturday morning. Hubby and I had a quiet tv night. On Saturday morning we picked up my Monkey and my friend's little boy and took them out to Kings Landing for the Sugarbush. Another friend and her son went with us and we had a great time. Fresh air, maple candy right from the tree, sliding, mud puddles and music make for a perfect outing for little boys.

I'd like you to meet Foxy!

Foxy was seized from a very bad home and has been in fostercare with Lil' Sis. (She calls him Herbie.) I think he is beautiful. He is a 3 yr old Pomeranian and weighs all of 6 lbs. Even Purl out weighs him! Sis has gone on an overnight excursion to Maine and Hubby and I have taken Foxy for a sleepover to see how he gets along with the cats. So far it is MUCH better than we expected. He is so timid the cats are not afraid of him.

He has been very good. He has spent most of the time curled up with me or following me around like a shadow. He has not made any noise other than some wimpering this morning which was resolved by bringing him to the bedroom. This afternoon he and Athena were both curled up in the chair. He still needs some time to be housebroken but Sis is going to get him litter trained. so we don't even have to worry about getting home on time or getting up at 5 am. Hubby is sold and now we have to convince the landlord that he really is just another cat.

Happy Holidays from Crafty Canadian and her Bionic Boy

Well another month has flown by. I can't believe it, while my concerns about being childless at Christmas were all I could think about last month, this month brought a whole new category of drama and I have hardly had time to think about anything.

Two weeks ago at 4:00 am I woke Hubby up because I had a dream that he had died suddenly of complications from his heart condition. I was crying when I woke up and the dream was so real his snoring in the bed beside me actually startled me. I woke him up in the dead of night to tell him I was glad he wasn't dead. He mumbled something about also being glad he was not dead and drifted back to sleep.

In the morning I got up and went to the market, got my hair done and went shopping for something fabulous to wear to Hubby's work party. I told my friend about my dream and she assured me that it meant good things for the person I had dreamt of. When I told her how upset I was the night before we joked that it was probably a good thing that after so long I still wanted him around. When I got home Hubby was making himself a light lunch and after we relaxed on the couch and watched TV. I told him again that I was glad he was still alive. Twenty minutes later we were rushing to the hospital.

Hubby has had heart problems since he was 12 and 5 years ago we went to Toronto for open heart surgery to remove an overgrown muscle blocking 85% of the blood flow. His heart function was immediately improved and after a lengthy recovery he was better than ever. After 16 years he was off all heart medication and feeling great.

Two weeks ago things changed suddenly. Hubby was saying something was wrong with his heart and was beginning to panic. We were very use to being in and out of hospital and so I quickly got him dressed, put him in the car and drove to the emergency. Fortunately we live only 8 minutes away, when we arrived I parked the car outside the ER doors and helped him inside the doors where we got help immediately. I handed him off to the nurses, told them he had hypertrophic cardiomyopathy and went to move the car. When I came back there were 8 nurses and doctors hovered over him and his pulse was 273. It was beating erratically and racing out of control.

After a couple of hours, I called my parents and they came to the hospital and waited outside the ICU. It took all night and a lot of medication to finally get it within a normal range. At one point they prepared to shock his heart with the defibrillator to reset the rhythm, fortunately they did not have to resort to that. Although I was very worried, I was incredibly calm. I was in "The Zone", there was a lot going on, a lot of new information to take in and I knew I had to be calm and clear.

After a couple of days in Cardiac Care they were able to get his heart rate under control with the medication but the test result were very negative. There were half a dozen serious problems with the heart that had developed as a result of his condition. Any one of them would have been cause for concern. They said it was fortunate that his heart had given him a warning and not simply shut down. They told us he would eventually need a heart transplant but they were going to see what they could do in the meantime. We waited in hospital a few more days until they could get us to a hospital with a cardiac care centre.

He arrived at the new hospital by ambulance last Tuesday afternoon and within a few hours they told him they were going to be taking him at 7:30 am for surgery. The next morning they implanted a defibrillator inside his chest to reset the heart if the rhythm got out of control or to restart heart if it stopped beating. Unlike a pacemaker that delivers a slight and constant message to the heart, this one packs more of a punch and only kicks in when the heart is in crisis.

Fortunately he came through with flying colours. The surgery went very well, they tested the device to ensure that it was working properly and by Thursday afternoon he was ready to come home. He will have a long recovery with 6wks to 6 months of no driving and 4-6 weeks of not lifting his hands above his shoulders.

He is now referring to himself as the $30,000 man although because we live in Canada the total cost to us for the device plus surger, hospital stay, ambulance etc. was $0.00. His work even covered my hotel stay and most of my meals. My biggest expenses were gas and parking.

We are so happy to be home for Christmas. We didn't think it would be possible and while being home has a whole other set of challenges (I'm exhausted already) it is great to be home and with family for Christmas. We will have a low key celebration this year. I am going to miss having a tree and having decorations but it is just too much work with everything else to be done.

So far I've been doing great at keeping it together, through all the bad news and surgery I have been calm and together, with just a few minor cracks. I was like this when he had his operation five years ago and I know it is just a matter of time before I fall to pieces but it will not likely be until he has been given the all clear by his docs. If he has to go through this every 5 years to replace the device we may get very good at adapting to it all. He has always had heart problems but they were more gradual and progressive, the complications are now far greater and more imminent than they were before.

We are very thankful for our wonderful friends and family who have been so supportive. They have offered help in every way since he first landed in the hospital. Last night someone dropped off a curry chicken which was fantastic because it means I did not have to cook. While we have not had a lot of visitors because everyone is gone for the holidays, we have had lots of emails and calls from our friends and family. We are so lucky to have them all!

To all my online pals, Happy Holidays and best wishes for a happy and healthy 2008!

October in a nutshell

Where did October go?

Wow, I can’t believe how long it has been since I have updated my blog. There has been a lot going on and I just can’t believe that it is already November. The missing month has had some ups and some downs and I will try to catch you up as quickly as possible. The key word for October has been BUSY!

Let’s get the bad stuff right out of the way.

Halloween kicked off what is sadly become a string of funerals. Last week began with the loss of my Great Uncle, the funeral was on Wednesday. Thursday, a group of girls traveled out of town to support a friend at her grandmother’s funeral, and Friday my cousin’s partner committed suicide leaving her a single mother to their young son. I also found out my grandmother is not well and will not strong enough to undergo the surgery required to save her life. While, she is technically my “ex-step-grandmother” she has been a grandparent to me since I was 8 years old. She lives with my “ex-stepmother” and my little brother and the coming months will be very hard on all of them.

I think part of the reason I have been avoiding updating my blog is that I was really hoping to have some good news. I must start by saying I am feeling much more like myself now that all of the fertility drugs are out of my system. I am not so easily upset and feel sane again. Although I think Christmas will still be a challenge, I am beginning to accept that life will go on with out a pregnancy.

This acceptance was spurred on by the fact that Hubby and I were approached about a private adoption. We kept our fingers crossed; our lips sealed and tried not to get our hopes up too much. Sadly, in taking the time to weigh their options the family let things get too and the girl is now in protective custody. Private adoption is no longer an option and an inter-provincial adoption would be complicated and too lengthy to be in the girl’s best interest. While we completely understand how and why things worked out the way they have, Hubby and I can’t help but be disappointed, both for the girl and for ourselves.

So eventually it will be back to the drawing board to consider the rest of our options, in the meantime November does not show any signs of slowing down and we will likely be full-tilt until the New Year.

Work has been very hectic and I am currently writing three publications which have to be printed by January, including the rewrite of a 100 page book. So far things are chugging along but I have not had a spare moment. I have also been preparing for workshops on reporting forms for charities – thrilling stuff. My first workshop was on Friday and you know it is bad when you nearly put yourself to sleep.

I have been practicing many of my unmarketable skills in the last month. I did a wedding cake for a fall wedding. I don’t often do cakes for people I don’t know but I was asked by my cousin and despite my concerns, the bride and groom were both thrilled with the way it turned out. I wish I had better pictures but these should give you a general idea.

I have also been at my sewing machine working on a beautiful prom dress. Next weekend is our annual “prom” weekend. Friends host a yearly theme party and this year it is a 50’s Prom in Halifax. While I would not usually go to such great lengths for a theme party, I was able to get a great deal on the fabric and pattern when a fabric store went out of business and I think the dress could easily be used again on New Year’s or some other event. I will post pictures when I finish mine later this week but here is the pattern:

Thanksgiving gave me the opportunity to make one of my favourite cakes – Princeton Orange Cake. We had a large family gathering with 15 for dinner. Later that week Monkey and I made apple crisp with apples we picked ourselves. We had a great time picking apples again and the Cortlands were finally ready! My sis has discovered that if you make a chunky applesauce with cinnamon, sprinkle granola on top and toss in it the microwave for a bit it tastes like apple crisp. Yummy! I have been eating a lot of “apple crisp” for breakfast.

Hubby and I went to a friend’s Halloween house party. There were a lot of great costumes. My friend and I went as inmates at a Women’s Prison, I would post the pictures but I’m afraid there are already far too many unflattering photos of me in my prison orange dress floating around out there. Yikes!

I have been collecting goodies for the ladies at the transition house and my spare room is starting to fill up with items for the 8 Christmas gift baskets. I will have to start checking my list to see who I have left to buy for this Christmas. We have managed to get a Guitar Hero game for my little brother and he will soooo excited. Hubby bought a copy for the Wii and we have been playing it quite a bit. It is a lot of fun.

Some November good news!
My cousin finally had her baby boy and both are healthy and happy. He has beautiful red hair and 5 names. K.P.R.M.W. is going to make even initialing something a chore.

My little brother was in town this weekend to accept his Chief Scout Award from the "Left-handed" Governor. (Lieutenant Governor). The award ceremony was held at the Legislature and there was a reception at the "Left-handed" Governor's home. I was very proud of him, I gave him the only gift I could be sure a 13 year old boy would appreciate - money.

I must be feeling better - I picked up my needles again.

Ta DA! My first unsupervised sock! Okay so it is only a plain jane ankle sock but it is mine and I love it. I will now attempt something I have never done before - knit a second sock. You may recall that my first sock was a collaboration with Canknitian and we each knit a sock for a friend's birthday. This was also my first attempt at knitting with sock yarn on those teeny tiny little needles.

When I showed my grandfather he laughed, he had tried to teach me to knit mittens with four dpn and I insisted that was way too many needles. I kept ending up with two needles holding the stitches and two in my hand. A year later I am knitting socks with 5 dpns! Just wait until I get the gumption to try knitting them on two circulars.

I am plesantly surprised to be upright before noon today. Last night we had a birthday extravaganza for my little sister's 30th birthday. I had the honour of putting together a poster of old photos, including some wicked Christmas morning hair. Sis's best friend rented a lodge for the party and it was a really good time. Because my sister does not eat sweets we had to do things a little differently, instead of a cake we had a platter with different cheeseballs set with candles and for one night only my beloved chocolate fountain was filled with nacho cheese sauce. I have to admit the flowing, dripping cheese was both yummy and mesmerizing but I still prefer the chocolate. The lumpy bits are jalepenos.

Canknitian arrived safe and somewhat sound from her sis's wedding and said the bride loved the cake I did for them. I saw a couple pictures on her camera but I can't wait to see the bigger photos to see how it turned out with the Gerbers. RB came with her new man, apparently we were not able to scare him off the first time around. Last night may have done it, to be specific her dance routine with my husband. (Anybody remember the episode of Friends where Monica and Ross revive a dance routine they had as teens? Yeah, just like that.)

I drank too much and said "Consequences be damned, I am going to eat that sweet, buttery, salty crunchy, fresh hydrocooled corn." I regret nothing - but I'm sure I will pay today. We tore up the dance floor while the boys played cards. At the end of the night I did a half-ass job of cleaning the cheese out of the fountain before heading home to bed. (Note to self: clean the cheese out of the fountain.) Tomorrow it is back to the grind.

Happy Labour Day everyone and Happy Birthday Lil' Sis.

Home again - but not for long!

I know I promised pictures and I will post some eventually. The rest of our trip was fantastic. We had dinner at the hotel's revolving restaurant with friends from Quebec City who were also in Montreal for the week. Since they will not be able to make it to the birthday weekend we were glad to have some time with them. We also spent a day at the botanical gardens where I got lots of great pictures. Hubby was laughing at me because gardens make me happy and relaxed. I am not a big city girl, its nice to visit but I was much more relaxed at the gardens. Unfortunately for Hubby that meant I was in no hurry and we spent several hours there. We also went to the Insectarium and spent the afternoon at the Biodome. It was a hot day and unfortunately I got a bad sunburn.

On Wednesday night Canknitian and Hubby went to see The Police at the Bell Centre and I went to church. Yes, you did read that right. My hubby, the catholic, went to a concert and I, the heathen, went to the basilica. I laughed the whole time I was dressing for church. I said that someone is likely to have a heart attack if word gets out that I went to church all on my own. Hubby said it would probably be God. The Notre-Dame Basilica has a "sound and light show" and I really wanted to see the inside. The show was a little cheesy but it did a great job of showcasing each part of the church and helping you focus on details would otherwise be overwhelming. After the show we could walk around and take pictures, it was very dark and my camera is not the greatest. (A problem soon to be remedied as my birthday approaches.)

Thursday morning we were preparing to check out and head to Ikea (aka the happiest place on earth) when the power went out. Hubby had just left to take the first load of bags to the car when the power went. We were sure he would be stuck in the elevator when he didn't come back to the room. After a bit we called the desk and asked if there was anyone in the elevator. Hubby wouldn't go on the rides at La Ronde and was likely to not be having any fun if he was stuck in the elevator. They assured us that everyone was out, eventually Hubby called to say he was in the lobby. He had made it down the hotel elevator and had his finger on the button for the tiny, smelly elevator to the parking garage when the power went. The power outage did mean a delay in getting checked out but it ended up saving us $100 in parking fees at the garage. When Hubby was waiting in the lobby there were some hotel staff escorting people who had flights to catch to their cars. Hubby tagged along and because the power was out they were simply letting people leave. SWEET! Turns out half of downtown Montreal was without power for quite a while.

Ikea was all I dreamed it would be. I bought so much for the Monkey on this trip, why should I stop at Ikea. When Sis bought her house last year I painted a castle in Monkey's room. On our trip to Alberta I bought him a big dragon, a hobby horse and knights helmet and a dragon fleece blanket, all at Ikea. This trip I bought him the bedspread with knights and dragons and a really cool mirror that looks like a shuttered castle window. He loved it naturally and like the little obsessive compulsive he is he showed us exactly where he wants it hung. The bedspread couldn't be a better match for his room and it is not too babyish so it will grow with him.

Because of the late start we were very late getting home. I spent a good part of Friday at Sis' shop, telling her all about the giant rollercoasters I was on. She wouldn't have believed it if I didn't have the photos. I picked up Monkey from daycare and he was so excited to see us! I also had a visit with both of my grandmothers and helped Sis decorate a cake for a friend's bachelorette. I'll spare you the details.

Yesterday I cleaned a bit in the kitchen and got caught up on Big Love when it got too hot to do anything else. I had a call from Big Bro who informed me that he had quit his job and had just flown back to NB and was coming to town to visit his new girlfriend. He sure moves fast. He did get to see Mouse and his long lost son while he was out west. He would like to bring his son home to meet everyone at the end of the month.

Next weekend is the big birthday bash! I can hardly wait, we will have about 30 of our closest friends together for the weekend. Everyone is excited about the trip and there are a lot of people who will be going for the first time. But first I have to get ready for 4 LONG days of work before my next week off.

That was quick!

It is all happening so quickly. I expected a couple of months wait before I got an appointment with the fertility clinic in Halifax but they called today and said they wanted to book me for next week. Fortunately/unfortunately I will be in Montreal with Canknitian and Hubby next week. They also tried to book me on either side of the long weekend which is not going to work because it is the weekend for the big birthday beach bash. So after a bit of back and forth we were able to book the appointment for August 16th.

I know it probably didn’t sound to them like I was a woman desperate to have a baby but I really wasn’t prepared for it to be this quick. I need more time to talk myself into the whole thing. I’m not sure I can do it, the shots, the expense, the super crazy. None of it sounds like any fun! I was just saying last night how nice it was to not feel crazy, I feel more like myself than I have in 3 years! I also have also not been preoccupied obsessing over it all. Oh well, I guess that was short lived because my mind is racing today.

Last weekend we went back up to the in-law’s to help out in the set up for the long weekend. They didn’t let us do much but we did get the two screen houses up and a bench brought up from the basement. I say “we” but unfortunately “I” did not do any of it. Friday night I fell asleep on the loveseat and have been paying for it ever since. I am hoping my back will right itself before our trip to Montreal this weekend, it will be a long 8 hours otherwise.

Sis and Monkey had a great time with us at the beach. Surprisingly the water was warm enough to swim. We had a tiny little fire to roast some marshmallows and watched the neighbours burn everything else that had washed up on shore. Four men from the community were having a farewell party before they left for Afghanistan and in their honour they piled every piece of driftwood on the beach into a giant fire! It was probably the second biggest fire we’ve seen there. The first being the time they set blaze to an old fishing boat that had been hauled up from the bay.

I also hit the mother of all fabric sales on the weekend. The store was going out of business and everything was 75% off. While it was pretty picked over I still managed to get 12 patterns and material for 7 outfits. That does not include the 2 dresses my MIL has commissioned. Looks like I have my work cut out for me!

Busy Week

It just never seems to slow down, I just finish my year end reports and I have to dive right into finding funding for this year. Ah, non-profit life. Why did I decide not to go into private practice? Money woes aside things are going well, the new staff have jumped right in and seem to be working out great.

Monkey and I have had two play dates this week, including tonight's trip to the library. Tomorrow we are heading back to the in-law's to prepare for the up coming Birthday Beach Bash Extravaganza! Lil' Sis and Monkey will be coming with us to do some beach combing.

It looks like we will have over 30 of our closest pals join us for the beach party. Because my FIL has a broken paw we will be going to set up the screen house, the outdoor shower etc. It promises to be a wild time. We have all of the regulars and a whole bunch of newbies at the Club Med of the North. In honour of my FIL, this year's slogan is "Break a Leg!"

I am more excited about the birthday weekend than I am about my trip to Monteal. Although I have to say I am thrilled that we got tickets to see Lewis Black!

The Clomid Chronicles - Vol. 2, Part 4 - The end

This is the end of the Clomid Chronicles, I've finished my last round and barring a miracle in the next few weeks I will not be having a child. I have a wicked case of 'poor me' with a whole lot of "what the hell did I do to deserve this" It is clouding everything and things I would normally take great joy in are just heartbreaking.

I forced myself to keep my weekly library night with the Monkey, its not fair to him to cancel. We are all but 3 books away from our goal of 100 books. I had thought about planning party for the occasion but I'm not feeling festive. I will do something for him but I just can't get excited about it myself. I can't help but feel like I am some pathetic barren aunt with no children of her own so she spoils someone else's kids. Next I'll be adopting 50 cats!

In other good news, on the day I have to give up my hope of a baby, my brother has kids coming out of the woodwork. He tells me that he has finally found his 13 year old son. He knew he had a son but he and the mother had split up when she was pregnant and she wanted to raise him on her own. My brother is only 2 years older than me and he "officially" has three children. He has also reunited with the Mouse's mom.

If you are trying to track the family tree you may get lost in the forest. My "new" nephew is the oldest of my nephew and nieces, he is the same age as my youngest brother and only a few months older than his little sister (don't ask) and 11 years older than his youngest sister (Mouse). In an odd coincidence he is exactly the same age my brother was when he found our father.

Like I said, at another time I would be overjoyed, I am happy for both of them. I have often wondered about him and if I would ever have the chance to meet him. I know it has nothing to do with me but it just feels like another painful reminder that I am the only one in my family who cannot have children. With a number of cousins with due dates in the next few months this will only get harder.

I'm tired of listening to myself mope, kudos to those of you who have read along through the chronicles. I really appreciate the supportive notes, they do help.

What I Said Never Changed Anybody; What They Understood Did.

Thanks folks for the comments on my last rant. Family can be difficult sometimes and while I do let my father get to me from time to time, I have become much better at dealing with our interpersonal conflicts. There are two things that have helped me tremendously.

The first was sound advice from my mother. When I was ranting about something my father had said or done she said:

"If you don't expect him to change; you won't be disappointed."

People are who they are - faults and all. If someone always lets you down you need to change your expectations from them. If you expect them to do what they have always done you may be pleasantly surprised when they do something different but you will be prepared and less disappointed when they don't. It sounds kind of cynical but really it is more about accepting people they way they are. This has become my personal mantra and has served me well with family, friends and co-workers.

I have said before that I am not a religious person but the second thing that has helped shape the way I deal with difficult people or situations is a poem that has a habit of turning up at the most appropriate times. I first found it in a pile of papers in my office that were left behind by my predecessor. I was sorting through a pile of random papers when this piece of paper caught my attention.

What I Said Never Changed Anybody; What They Understood Did - Paul P.

How often have we given our all to change somebody else?

How frantically have we tried to force a loved one to see the light?

How hopelessly have we watched a destructive pattern

- perhaps a pattern we know well from personal experience-

bring terrible pain to someone who is dear to us?

All of us have.

We would do anything to save the people we love.

In our desperation, we imagine that if we say just the right words,

In just the right way, our loved ones will understand.

If change happens, we think our efforts have succeeded.

If change doesn't happen, we think our efforts have failed.

But neither is true.

Even our best efforts do not have the power to change somebody else.

Nor do we have that responsibility.

People are only persuaded by what they understand.

And they, as we, can understand a deeper truth only when it is their time

To grow toward deeper understanding.

Not Before.

Today, I will focus on changing myself and entrust those I love to the Higher Power,

who loves them even more than I do.

I know, it doesn't sound like me at all! The first time I found this piece of paper my father was on a path that was not only self-destructive but causing a lot of grief for those around him. This little piece of paper changed my whole perspective. I have hung on to it, copied it for friends dealing with a difficult situation, and every now and then it surfaces. Last night I was ironing when I knocked the iron off the board spilling water everywhere. When I went to clean it up I found a copy of the 'poem' tucked behind a box. I have no idea how it got there.

I have now shared all of my personal wisdom and the full extent of my spirituality. Are you feeling more enlightened? Maybe I'll add spiritual guru to my list of skills. Hopefully some of it will be helpful to someone else; who knows maybe it this has found you at just the right time!

Off on an adventure!

Hubby and I had a wonderful anniversary. We went to a new resturant and he got me a fabulous set of bamboo knitting needles! The set has 12 pairs so I will have all the sizes I need for my crafty goodness. Thanks to everyone for all the congratulatory messages.

Last night I took my Papa his Papa's Day present - a bonzai tree. He loved it. Everything else he has tried to grow outside has been eaten by the deer including the giant buds on his peony just before they were about to open. Poor Papa!

Today we are taking the Monkey on an adventure! We are taking him with us for the weekend while we visit my in-laws. He is looking forward to digging for treasure on the beach. Unfortunately the water won't be warm enough for swimming but it looks like it will be a cloudy weekend anyway. A big thunder storm has just rolled in that will hopefully help to clear things up.

On the family front Big Bro has got himself a lawyer and will hopefully follow their advice. Lil Sis is planning her "Christmas in June" party in honour of her friend's visit home, Lil' Bro is going to fail Grade 7 - Yikes! He should have seen it coming since he hardly went to school at all this year. He kept saying that his Mom would make sure they didn't fail him. I have no doubt she tried everything in her power to make them change their minds but it looks like he'll be stuck in Middle School an extra year. Maybe it will motivate him to go to class next year.

My Father's Day call to my Dad was the usual annual disaster.
Here is the synopsis:

CC: Happy Father's Day! I haven't heard from you in a while, what's going on?

Dad: Hey guess what, They are after me for child support for your Lil' Bro but I've got it figured out and I can avoid paying for at least another year by ignoring it, playing games and dragging things out.

CC: Here are all the reasons that is a bad idea....

Dad: That's not the way it works. Besides why should I? She has lots of money.

CC: Listen to me, I am your daughter the lawyer, I write books on this for a living.

Dad: I know what I'm talking about I've been to court for child support before, you know. Besides its the principle.

CC: Yeah, well things have changed in the last 20 years and people can waste a whole lot of time and a whole lot of money on a principle.

Dad: Whatever.

CC: Well, I've got to run! Nice talking to you.

Not sure why I even bother. Lil' Sis can just listen to him rant without the need to correct him but I just can't he baits me and I can't resist. I need to work on that in the next year - is there such a thing as a Father's Day Resolution?

I just had to share the letter I received from my cousin's ten year old daughter. Last year I had given her a set of stationary, pencils, stickers and pre-addressed envelopes so we could write back and forth. She wrote a couple of times but then lost interest. I just receieved another letter from her that reads:

who is the wether up ther. it raind sunday and monday up here
say Hi to my grammey and grammps for me plesa.
I have a picter for you. oh I have a Joke
Where can you alwhas find happe nis
the anser is under the flap

(a little purple scrap of paper is taped below)
the dichsonary

Love Kendar (Kendra)
xoxoxxo
xoxoxoxoxoxxo"

I think it too cute. It is definately a keeper. I'll have to write back today so she can get her response right away.

What a week!

As expected, this was a crazy busy week. I am trying to wrap up two publications, we started our audit, and my year end report is due at the end of the month. Just writing about all of the work I did this year makes me tired. On top of all the writing, editing and project management, it turns out I gave my youth justice presentations 30 times to over 1300 people. Whew! I need a vacation.


Unfortunately three things that make this upcoming week look just as busy are the continuation of the financial audit, a dentist appointment, proofs from printers to review, and to make matter worse the boss is gone for the three days before the AGM which means lots of work for EB and me!

Hubby and I had a pretty uneventful weekend considering the chaos around us. Hubby was really hoping I'd surprise him with some good news on Father's Day but sadly that wasn't possible. I did however surprise him with a book he's wanted and a letter saying what a great dad I think he will be some day. As much as these types of holidays get to us our weekend was a breeze compared to the rest of our family.

On Saturday night I got home late and came throught the door at 12:30 to the phone ringing. My brother called to say he had just come home from a business trip to find his girlfriend had taken off with the Mouse! He was frantic and waiting for the police to show up. He was filing a missing person's report and trying to reach her at her mother's place. My sister has since had an email from her saying that she and the baby are fine but not saying where she is. My poor big brother is a wreck and won't leave the house for fear he'll miss her call.

Sunday Hubby called his Dad for Father's Day to find out they had just gotten back from the hospital where his father had surgery on his foot. He had told Hubby on Saturday how he had set up a "hammock district" in anticipation of our long weekend trip with three hammocks for us to use. Apparently that night he was enjoying the fruits of his labour when the hammock he was in came undone and he badly broke his foot in the fall. The rushed him to the hospital 45 minutes away where they did x-rays and then sent him off to a larger hospital 2 hours away for surgery. He know has pins and plates in his foot and will likely have pain the rest of his life. At the least, he is laid up for a few weeks in a cast and will be going snakey.

At this point I'm calling my Papa (step-dad) to find out if he made it back from his sailing trip with his dad and brother before the thunder storm rolled in. Thankfully he had made it back just in time. I was unable to reach my Dad in BC yesterday but I know he's alive because I got an email notice saying he got my e-card.

You know how they say bad things happen in threes? This morning Lil' Sis tells me that the Monkey's grandfather on his Dad's side had lost two fingers in a band saw accident! Good greif!

Myself, I just tried to take it easy this weekend. I read Snow Falling on Cedars which was a terrific book. All of my plans to go biking fell through, Hubby's bike needs a tune-up before he can go and Canknitian and I were rained out on Sunday. I did spend Sunday afternoon with Sis, Hubby and the Monkey enjoying the sun. Actually I was enjoying the shade, Sis was enjoying the sun but she is paying the price for it today.

On the crafty front there hasn't been much going on. I kind of overdid it a bit last weekend and have put the needles down for just a bit. I am anxiously awaiting my swapee for the Virtual Vacation and I have also signed up as a memeber of Team Canada in Dish Rag Tag.

Now it is back to work!

Oh, I should thank Sharon for her comments on my last post. It made me laugh to think I gave someone the impression I was a hard core biker. I am definately not, although I do have a great Schwinn 5-star Cruiser which my hubby refers to as my "Pee-wee Herman bike". (He's just jealous!) I'll have to post a picture of my sweet ride!

Clomid Chronicles: Thank Heavens for Little Boys, Friends and Family

Warning:
Those readers just looking for an update on the latest crafty project or swap will probably want to check back in a couple of weeks.

Those readers who enjoy soap operas may want pop some corn and stay tuned for the train wreck that my life is about to become. That’s right it’s time for another installment of the “Clomid Chronicles” Now in 3D (triple dose!)

I had a very disappointing appointment with my Doc yesterday. In fact, the whole ordeal was a disaster. I have been going to see him for three years and so I’ve learned to prepare myself for a waiting room full of pregnant bellies, the posters of mothers with their newborns, pictures of all of the babies delivered by the Doc etc. I’m even prepared for the staff to ask me how many weeks I am and making me announce to the waiting room that I am there because of infertility. I have dealt with all of this repeatedly but yesterday was too much. When I walked into the office there were no less than 10 signs posted that said:

BABY BOOM ALERT!
We are experiencing a Baby Boom and currently have more pregnancies than our doctors typically handle. Please be prepared for delays between appointments as we try to accommodate the larger than normal number of pregnant patients.

It makes perfect sense; we recently had a bunch of soldiers head to Afghanistan (say about 3 months ago) so the baby boom is to be expected. However, my already fragile, infertile brain reads: “EVERYONE IS PREGNANT BUT YOU!” I told the Doc he was killing me with the signs and he agreed that it wasn’t fair.

Then he tells me that the drugs still aren’t working (which I knew) and that he felt he had done all he could do for me. Gulp. I was not prepared for that. I knew that eventually we may have to consider going to see an out-of-province specialist and have to decided how much we could afford or would be willing to spend on more invasive options like IVF. I just was ready for eventually to be today.

The next step will be a hysterosalpingogram (which I’m told is most unpleasant and quite painful) and then waiting for a consultation date in Nova Scotia. In the meantime, I start the 3D dose of Clomid and hope that next month is the month! It gets a little frustrating when 15 babies have been born to friends and family in the 3 years I’ve been taking the crazy pills.

I’m a mess already and I don’t start the pills until tonight. I cried at the Doc’s office, I cried in the car, I cried when I broke the news to Hubby, I cried at pilates, I cried at my sister’s and then went home and cried some more. And oh boy does it show today. Luckily, I scheduled a photo for the Charities press release for tomorrow.

Thank heavens for little boys, friends and family. Canknitian let me cry in the car on the way to Pilates, Monkey made me smile by having a meltdown when I said it was too late to go to the library, Sis fed me cookies and ice cream, The Papa (my step-dad) listened to me talk to Mom about my fallopian tubes without turning red and leaving the room, RB reminded me Nova Scotia = road trip, and Hubby bought me a meter of fabric I wanted to make a bag for myself. (He’s a good man who knows the way to a crafter’s heart.)

I really am trying to pull myself out of this but I fear the Clomid will make that pretty hard in the next few days so bear with me!

It is not a tumour!

Good news! I do not have terminal toe cancer! My biopsy has come back clean and it turns out it is nothing more than a beauty mark on my big toe. I wasn't worried, I've had a few of these done, but the family has been quite concerned. It looks like I will live to craft another day!

Speaking of crafting goodness, check out this Spidey-ghan done by a fellow Spring Bag Exchanger,Shawnee. (Scroll down the page to March 27th) I know a certain 4 year old Monkey and a Canknitian of undisclosed age who would loose their minds over this one.

Currently OTN is a Monica in pink with a green ruffle for the Mouse. The Mouse is my two year old niece whom I have just met! Big Bro has moved back to NB after living in BC and Alberta for more than 10 years, and he has brought his girlfriend and their little Mouse too. She is sweet but shy. I can't wait to finish it for her next trip to see me. It will be great to have her just an hour away.

Sis has just brought home 5 foster kittens for the SPCA they are very cute. Monkey was beside himself with 5 kittens running around him. I can easily see one of these cuties landing at my house, that is if the Queen of the Castle (my cat) will allow it.

Mother's Day

Nothing makes me feel more like a Grinch than Mother’s Day. Yes I certainly appreciate all the mothers in my life. No one has more mothers and grandmothers than I do. (That would be 11 mothers, stepmothers and grandmothers) I appreciate them but it is just too hard to celebrate Mother’s Day.

Mrs. Grinch hated Mother’s Day!
The whole crumby season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be the Clomid – (her head wasn't screwed on quite right)
It could be, perhaps, that her tubes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that her womb was two sizes too small.

I feel terrible not being able to keep my emotions in check but it is just such a big trigger. Our family tradition has always been to go out for brunch or dinner together. The first Mother’s day after my diagnosis was not so bad because I was still filled with hope and convinced that any day I would be pregnant. As the years go by it is getting more and more hopeless and harder and harder to sit around a table where every other woman receives cards, flowers and gifts. The well-meaning waitress comes with the handful of flowers or chocolates and asks who the mothers at our table are. It is just a painful reminder that I am the only woman in my family who does not have children.

This year I skipped the cards – Mother’s day cards are a whole other level of torture. Last year I left the store in tears. Instead, Monkey and I potted some flowers for all the Moms and Grandmas who live nearby.

I’ve tried to think of the best way to describe why Mother’s Day is hard for infertile women. Most people don’t get it and think it is just being self-centered but it is not that you don’t want others to have a Happy Mother’s Day but you can’t help but feel sorry for yourself. The whole day is a celebration of the one thing you can’t have. The weeks leading up to Mother’s Day every commercial advertises how great it is to be a they are daily reminders that you are a barren old hag and while 95% of women have a child or could have a child you can’t no matter how badly you want to.

Mother's Day - Bah, Humbug!

But why Captain America?

I'm a pretty patriotic type of gal, just this week our pilates class was interupted when my cell phone broke into a midi chorus of O'Canada, so I'm not sure why my darling little monkey has decided has to be Captain America. Now don't get me wrong Cpt. A. is a cool superhero, what with the shield and all, but why him? What could have such an strong influence on the 4 year old mind? Oh yeah, he's on his underoos!

Lil' Sis said she can not find a thing with Cpt. A. on it, and Monkey desperately NEEDS a costume. Hubby and Sis tried to convince me to make him one but my crafty canadian brain just can't imagine where I will find the time to sew a cowl with wings. Luckily for Monkey, Hubby is not so easily put off. He starts talking about how to do an easy version. He bought some iron-on transfer paper and printed out the star and stripes for the blue t-shirt he bought, he found some blue pants and shorts at the second hand store and with a little bit of design help (and threading of the sewing machine) he made a shield out of a foam cushion and some iron on stripes and stars.


The result one very happy Captain America! He has hardly taken it off all week. He even wore it to Daycare!


On an unrelated note - Happy No Pants Day one and all! We will be dropping our pants at the door for charity at today's No Pants Day BBQ. (For those who may be mislead this is in no way a nudist event. It is all pretty PG - boxers, housecoats, towels, long johns, anything but pants.) While last year the weather was a little chilly, this year it is down-right cold so our celebration of spring will likely be more of an indoor event. Either way there will be burgers, beverages and babies to squeeze so it will be a good time.

Poopid People Everywhere!

Whew, I think everyone has survived the worst of the rollercoaster for this month. I had a relatively calm day today (slight flare-ups here and there) but all in all I'm getting back to normal. I may even pick up my knitting tonight. (Too crazy to craft is a bad state of affairs!)

I got a great stretch at my Bendy Class. A bunch of friends have been taking private Pilates classes once a week. It is sooo much better to giggle, gasp and groan in the company of close friends. I am the furthest thing from a fitness freak, in fact I left class and came home to roast beast and gravy, but I do really enjoy a great stretch.

Sis called last night to tell me the Monkey, at 4 years old, had outsmarted her. The conversation when something like this:
Monkey: Mom, can I say "stupid"?
Mom: No, its a bad word and we don't use it.
Monkey: mmmm, can I say "Poop"?
Mom: Yes,"poop" is not a bad word, but its still not nice.
Monkey: mmmmmmm, can I say "Poopid"?
Mom: Poopid?
Monkey: Yeah, (giggle)cause its is so poopid(giggle).

She said he played her perfectly. It was so calculated and sneaky and it completely took her by surprise. Not surprisingly "poopid" has become her new favourite word.

Off to bed early tonight! Tommorrow I have to do 5 back-to-back presentations, which means I can either scare the pants off 150 Grade 9 students or I can bore them to tears! I may just switch it up a bit from class to class. I love my job.

Sugarbushed

Last night the Monkey had his birthday sleepover at our house. We did our best to get him to bed at a reasonable time because he had a whole weekend of fun planned to celebrate his 4th birthday. At 8:30 we all got our jammies on and went to bed. Hubby read him the book "The Hockey Sweater" three times before showing him the National Film Board short film (you know the one, where the little boy prays for God to send him a hundred million moths to eat up his Leaf's jersey).

We were all tucked in, lights out by just after 9 - so far so good. He had slept for about 10 minutes when the phone rang. Because he had a whole 10 minutes of sleep he was ready to stay up all night! It took a little convincing and a lot of "playing dead" to convince him it was still sleep time. This is harder than you think when he is singing "This is Teecee's song, and I am singing a song for teecee and she is the fairest of them alllll, and the prettiest of them allllll, and these are teecee's eyes, and this is teecee's hair..." I just wanted to scoop him up and give him a thousand kisses. The adoration of a four year old is great for the Clomid Crazies.


"One stick of pure sugar please!"

This morning we were off to Sugar Bush! The hungry little monkey ate a lumberjack sized breakfast before we went to get our maple candy fresh from the snow. We ate pure sugar, stompped through mud and puddles, ran in and out of the barns, had a wagon ride and learned all about making pottery from mud and clay before heading home.

Hubby and Monkey

What is it about boys and puddles?

We dropped Hubby at the house before heading to visit with Grammy and Grampy where we told stories, played with the cat, went to the garden centre and then to visit his godmother's new house. We got home just in time to see Hubby off to work, had a peanutbutter sandwich and by the time Lil Sis came to collect him we were officially sugarbushed!

Don't Tug on Superman's Cape

Family:
Today is my nephew's 4th birthday. I can hardly believe it! It can't be 4 years and 2 days since Lil Sis was in my office telling me we were going to have a St. Paddy's day baby! (Boy was she wrong!) He was such a little beach bum when he was born, he had long blonde shaggy hair. His hair is now dark blonde but he still has the most beautiful blue eyes that twinkle when he is up to no good.

We had a family dinner tonight featuring his favourite meal - take-out Chinese. Mom and The Papa were there but Hubby had to work. After dinner Sis offered to take me up to Hubby's work to drop off the car so I wouldn't have to go back after him at midnight. The Monkey was so excited to see his uncle that we decided to take him to McDonald's so he could play while Hubby had his supper.

He was so cute running around the playground with his Superman pjs on (complete with cape!).
When it was time to take Hubby back to work he took off to the top of the playground. I waited at the bottom of the slide. When he landed he was looking the other way and didn't see me so I leaned in and softly said "Boo". It startled him and he whipped around, looked at me for half a second and then punched me in the nose!

He didn't hit hard, I think he realized halfway through what he was doing and tried to pull back but it smarts just the same. Sis and I are trying very hard to keep a straight face as we tell him not to hit. It was just so obvious that it was a knee-jerk reaction that you just couldn't be really upset with him. It is important to note that he did come back down the slide to kiss my nose better and say "Sorry Teecee".

*************

Work:

What a depressing (yet productive) day at work. To look at my agenda would give someone who didn't know me the wrong impression.

Today's agenda read:

8 am - 9 am Breakfast

9 am - 11 am Sexual Assault

1 pm - 4 pm Child Abuse

I spent the morning in a meeting talking about education around sexual assault law and the proposed changes to the age of consent to sexual activity. The afternoon was spent editing a publication for parents and service providers about reporting child abuse and neglect. While it is all important work it is sad that there is such a need for these materials.

Thankfully tomorrow promises to be much lighter fare!

*************

Friends:

A great weekend overall. CL came up for the weekend to cheer up Hubby. (His cool new job fell through.) The two of them started St. Paddy's day on Friday evening with a bottle of wine.

On Saturday the gang got together at an Irish pub for lunch to kick off the festivities. The hardcore group went to settle in at another pub, I opted to spend a couple of hours watching movies with JE and working on Hubby's Acadian scarf.

When I returned to the pub, Lil Sis and friends were just arriving. We all managed to get some tables together in the back room. She, of course was sporting her flashy green metallic eyelashes and quickly choose a waiter to flirt with/torment. It is, after all, tradition.

Unfortunately the torrential rainfall kept many people home (weather wusses). Although shortly after the roof started leaking many of our group headed out. Hubby, true to his word, was dragged out of the bar. It was not quite the end of the night as he had planned but the crowd was fizzling so we decided to move the party back to the house.

Being a good DD I drove everyone home and came home to fall asleep on the couch while CL, DC and Hubby watched the "Roast of William Shatner" on TV.

Yesterday was BS' birthday and although he hates his birthday he allowed the rest of us to celebrate with a yummy DQ Strawberry Cheesecake Blizzard Cake. It is a thing of beauty. We took turns butchering songs on the Wii karaoke game. I'm not a singer by any means but I did take top honours with my renditions of both "Uptown Girl" and "Time After Time." I love a singing game that does not require singing skills.

RB helped with some work I was trying to wrap up and we had Greek for supper. Chicken souvlaki is so good for supper but it is still best breakfast on Saturday morning at the market.

*************

Still No Baby

Today officially marks Day 1 of the next round. In just two short days the crazy begins with a new round of drugs. It would just have to be the last two weeks of the year end.

I can't believe it caught me off guard, the signs were so clear - uncontrollable chocolate cravings, no energy, organizing closets, dreaming I was pregnant, - short of scrubbing the bathroom (which had already been done on Friday) all the signs were there.

EB and I are both going to be unbearable this week so we have put the office on alert. (This is another perk of an all female office.) Today, we decided that since misery loves company we would lock ourselves in a boardroom to hammer out some revisions.

Watch for upcoming subject lines such as: "Vehicular manslaughter can't be all bad", "mmm...chocolate" and "Why is everyone pregnant but me."

I am keeping in mind that this is still a good sign since, I am almost on schedule and therefore the drugs seem to be doing the trick. If all goes well it will just be a matter of time before I am complaining about being pregnant.

Fingers crossed for the next round!

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall ...

The other night we had my Lil Bro, Lil Sis and the Monkey over for supper. Sis had cut Lil Bro's hair at the dog groomers. (She told him his head wasn't that different from a dog's ass.) She cut everything but the front and you should have seen the two of them laugh when we stopped at the hairdresser to get it fixed.

Lil Bro was looking for a mirror and Hubby told him there was one on the wall. The Monkey, who was playing nearby, says to himself "Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, who's the fairest of them all?"

So I asked him "Who is the fairest of them all?" and he said I WAS! In fact, ten minutes later he made a point of telling Hubby "Your not the fairest of them all, Aunt Teecee is the fairest."

When I picked him up from daycare tonight he told me again. When I said that it made me happy when he said that he let out a big "Woooohooo!" and told me it made him happy too.

I love my Monkey.