If 25 is old what does that make me?

So I've not caused any physical harm today. (Although I think Hubby is developing a twitch!) I did resist the urge to leave a nasty voicemail at my Dr's office. (Why am I getting a message at 2:00 which says they will be answering the phones from 1:30-4:00 and to please call back during during that time?) and I decided to wait another day or two to comment on the "work" the student sent me.

While I didn't actually say anything to The Ostrich yesterday I think she got the impression when I left at lunch and didn't come back that I was irritated. I all but locked myself in my office. Unfortunately the manic phase has given way to a heavy sadness.

I tried to search again online for someone who is going through the same struggles with infertility that I am. I just can't find anyone in the same boat, the people on the forums and blogs are much further down the treatment road then I am. Having a signature with the endless list of failed treatments and IVF's is just so depressing.

I just can't identify with the people who are willing to put their bodies through hell for years on end on the ever slimming chance they will get pregnant. I'm just not there. While I would love to have a pregancy, I am very open to adoption. Hubby is the "try every possible medical option first and use adoption as a last resort" type.

Hubby and I stopped trying to NOT have a baby when we were married nearly 9 years ago. We weren't concerned about not getting pregnant because of law school, articles and his heart surgery. We have been trying drug treatments on and off for nearly 3 years and while the Clomid works for most women (80% ovulate and 80% of them conceive)I am the exception that proves the rule.

The only women I found who were at the same stage as I am were 24 and 25, they had each been married 2 years and were lamenting that their time was running out. Good grief, if they are too old to get pregnant what chance does a 31 year old geezer like me stand? 25 year old simply do not have the right to complain about being old.

I understand the pressure to get pregnant right after you get married. It is what comes next, I remember feeling like that was just the next logical step, you get married and then you get the baby. My family to called the day I returned from my honeymoon to asked if I was pregnant yet - it had been 2 weeks. My MIL laments that she has ONLY been waiting 10 YEARS for a baby. At this rate she'd be better off trying to have another baby herself.

Sorry folks, that post just seemed to get away on me. I didn't mention my inability to focus but I'm sure you've gotten the picture by now.

Have no fear folks - this too shall pass. I will soon be back to my saner, craftier old self.