Time is almost up!

Tomorrow is the last working day of the fiscal year. For a charity this means making sure every penny is spent and invoiced for tomorrow. (Heaven forbid you might actually have something left.) My projects are pretty much undercontrol because unlike some other people I anticipate the year end chaos all year and trust no one but myself to make sure everything is accounted for. Yes, I am a control freak.

Today was fun, I don't think I repeated myself too many times in the sessions. It all gets very blurry after five 50 minutes sessions. After a rocky start it was all good. Although the first class had some "disruptions" it all went smoothly the rest of the day.

I must say, I have no idea how teachers keep their train of thought with the intercom system binging, beeping and blaring constantly. It didn't help that our sessions were off the regular class schedule so most of the bings would have normally been during breaks.

Poopid People Everywhere!

Whew, I think everyone has survived the worst of the rollercoaster for this month. I had a relatively calm day today (slight flare-ups here and there) but all in all I'm getting back to normal. I may even pick up my knitting tonight. (Too crazy to craft is a bad state of affairs!)

I got a great stretch at my Bendy Class. A bunch of friends have been taking private Pilates classes once a week. It is sooo much better to giggle, gasp and groan in the company of close friends. I am the furthest thing from a fitness freak, in fact I left class and came home to roast beast and gravy, but I do really enjoy a great stretch.

Sis called last night to tell me the Monkey, at 4 years old, had outsmarted her. The conversation when something like this:
Monkey: Mom, can I say "stupid"?
Mom: No, its a bad word and we don't use it.
Monkey: mmmm, can I say "Poop"?
Mom: Yes,"poop" is not a bad word, but its still not nice.
Monkey: mmmmmmm, can I say "Poopid"?
Mom: Poopid?
Monkey: Yeah, (giggle)cause its is so poopid(giggle).

She said he played her perfectly. It was so calculated and sneaky and it completely took her by surprise. Not surprisingly "poopid" has become her new favourite word.

Off to bed early tonight! Tommorrow I have to do 5 back-to-back presentations, which means I can either scare the pants off 150 Grade 9 students or I can bore them to tears! I may just switch it up a bit from class to class. I love my job.

If 25 is old what does that make me?

So I've not caused any physical harm today. (Although I think Hubby is developing a twitch!) I did resist the urge to leave a nasty voicemail at my Dr's office. (Why am I getting a message at 2:00 which says they will be answering the phones from 1:30-4:00 and to please call back during during that time?) and I decided to wait another day or two to comment on the "work" the student sent me.

While I didn't actually say anything to The Ostrich yesterday I think she got the impression when I left at lunch and didn't come back that I was irritated. I all but locked myself in my office. Unfortunately the manic phase has given way to a heavy sadness.

I tried to search again online for someone who is going through the same struggles with infertility that I am. I just can't find anyone in the same boat, the people on the forums and blogs are much further down the treatment road then I am. Having a signature with the endless list of failed treatments and IVF's is just so depressing.

I just can't identify with the people who are willing to put their bodies through hell for years on end on the ever slimming chance they will get pregnant. I'm just not there. While I would love to have a pregancy, I am very open to adoption. Hubby is the "try every possible medical option first and use adoption as a last resort" type.

Hubby and I stopped trying to NOT have a baby when we were married nearly 9 years ago. We weren't concerned about not getting pregnant because of law school, articles and his heart surgery. We have been trying drug treatments on and off for nearly 3 years and while the Clomid works for most women (80% ovulate and 80% of them conceive)I am the exception that proves the rule.

The only women I found who were at the same stage as I am were 24 and 25, they had each been married 2 years and were lamenting that their time was running out. Good grief, if they are too old to get pregnant what chance does a 31 year old geezer like me stand? 25 year old simply do not have the right to complain about being old.

I understand the pressure to get pregnant right after you get married. It is what comes next, I remember feeling like that was just the next logical step, you get married and then you get the baby. My family to called the day I returned from my honeymoon to asked if I was pregnant yet - it had been 2 weeks. My MIL laments that she has ONLY been waiting 10 YEARS for a baby. At this rate she'd be better off trying to have another baby herself.

Sorry folks, that post just seemed to get away on me. I didn't mention my inability to focus but I'm sure you've gotten the picture by now.

Have no fear folks - this too shall pass. I will soon be back to my saner, craftier old self.

Close call

Let me begin by saying, I know I am completely crazy.

Today is probably the peak of this month's Clomid craze but having been on this rollercoaster for quite sometime I have become quite adept at concealling the crazy. I can generally rant internally while keeping up the "sane" facade. I recognize that I have a heightened reaction to those things which normally just bug me.

The problem arises when something that would normally make me angry, upset or frustrated sets off uncontrollable tears, rage or stress. Today I came far too close to letting loose on my boss. The tirade was on the tip of my tongue when I had a split-second thought that this may end badly, and walked away. Rest assured that if I had actually said what was on my mind I would not have a job. Thankfully I had a brief moment of clarity and walked away, packed up my laptop and went to work at home.

Not only am I under the influence of raging hormones, this just happens to be the year end and my most stressful week of the year. By 10:00 this morning it felt like I had put in a full week. I started the day preparing to destroy the first year law student who did some "research" for me. He was saved by the bell when the phone rang and I had to ask The Ostrich to pull her head out of the sand and actually make a decision.

For the greater good I should find something to keep me occupied tonight. If you don't hear from me tomorrow I'm probably in jail.

Sugarbushed

Last night the Monkey had his birthday sleepover at our house. We did our best to get him to bed at a reasonable time because he had a whole weekend of fun planned to celebrate his 4th birthday. At 8:30 we all got our jammies on and went to bed. Hubby read him the book "The Hockey Sweater" three times before showing him the National Film Board short film (you know the one, where the little boy prays for God to send him a hundred million moths to eat up his Leaf's jersey).

We were all tucked in, lights out by just after 9 - so far so good. He had slept for about 10 minutes when the phone rang. Because he had a whole 10 minutes of sleep he was ready to stay up all night! It took a little convincing and a lot of "playing dead" to convince him it was still sleep time. This is harder than you think when he is singing "This is Teecee's song, and I am singing a song for teecee and she is the fairest of them alllll, and the prettiest of them allllll, and these are teecee's eyes, and this is teecee's hair..." I just wanted to scoop him up and give him a thousand kisses. The adoration of a four year old is great for the Clomid Crazies.


"One stick of pure sugar please!"

This morning we were off to Sugar Bush! The hungry little monkey ate a lumberjack sized breakfast before we went to get our maple candy fresh from the snow. We ate pure sugar, stompped through mud and puddles, ran in and out of the barns, had a wagon ride and learned all about making pottery from mud and clay before heading home.

Hubby and Monkey

What is it about boys and puddles?

We dropped Hubby at the house before heading to visit with Grammy and Grampy where we told stories, played with the cat, went to the garden centre and then to visit his godmother's new house. We got home just in time to see Hubby off to work, had a peanutbutter sandwich and by the time Lil Sis came to collect him we were officially sugarbushed!

Stacking Pigs

If you have absolutely nothing to do for the next 6 hours you should go to Pogo.com and try the "Stack 'em" game. Very simple but very addictive. Thank goodness they block this site at work or I would get nothing done! Between TumbleBees, Word Whomp and Stack'em I'd be done for.

I was suppose to go for groceries and hour ago!

Can't talk-stacking pigs.

Don't Tug on Superman's Cape

Family:
Today is my nephew's 4th birthday. I can hardly believe it! It can't be 4 years and 2 days since Lil Sis was in my office telling me we were going to have a St. Paddy's day baby! (Boy was she wrong!) He was such a little beach bum when he was born, he had long blonde shaggy hair. His hair is now dark blonde but he still has the most beautiful blue eyes that twinkle when he is up to no good.

We had a family dinner tonight featuring his favourite meal - take-out Chinese. Mom and The Papa were there but Hubby had to work. After dinner Sis offered to take me up to Hubby's work to drop off the car so I wouldn't have to go back after him at midnight. The Monkey was so excited to see his uncle that we decided to take him to McDonald's so he could play while Hubby had his supper.

He was so cute running around the playground with his Superman pjs on (complete with cape!).
When it was time to take Hubby back to work he took off to the top of the playground. I waited at the bottom of the slide. When he landed he was looking the other way and didn't see me so I leaned in and softly said "Boo". It startled him and he whipped around, looked at me for half a second and then punched me in the nose!

He didn't hit hard, I think he realized halfway through what he was doing and tried to pull back but it smarts just the same. Sis and I are trying very hard to keep a straight face as we tell him not to hit. It was just so obvious that it was a knee-jerk reaction that you just couldn't be really upset with him. It is important to note that he did come back down the slide to kiss my nose better and say "Sorry Teecee".

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Work:

What a depressing (yet productive) day at work. To look at my agenda would give someone who didn't know me the wrong impression.

Today's agenda read:

8 am - 9 am Breakfast

9 am - 11 am Sexual Assault

1 pm - 4 pm Child Abuse

I spent the morning in a meeting talking about education around sexual assault law and the proposed changes to the age of consent to sexual activity. The afternoon was spent editing a publication for parents and service providers about reporting child abuse and neglect. While it is all important work it is sad that there is such a need for these materials.

Thankfully tomorrow promises to be much lighter fare!

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Friends:

A great weekend overall. CL came up for the weekend to cheer up Hubby. (His cool new job fell through.) The two of them started St. Paddy's day on Friday evening with a bottle of wine.

On Saturday the gang got together at an Irish pub for lunch to kick off the festivities. The hardcore group went to settle in at another pub, I opted to spend a couple of hours watching movies with JE and working on Hubby's Acadian scarf.

When I returned to the pub, Lil Sis and friends were just arriving. We all managed to get some tables together in the back room. She, of course was sporting her flashy green metallic eyelashes and quickly choose a waiter to flirt with/torment. It is, after all, tradition.

Unfortunately the torrential rainfall kept many people home (weather wusses). Although shortly after the roof started leaking many of our group headed out. Hubby, true to his word, was dragged out of the bar. It was not quite the end of the night as he had planned but the crowd was fizzling so we decided to move the party back to the house.

Being a good DD I drove everyone home and came home to fall asleep on the couch while CL, DC and Hubby watched the "Roast of William Shatner" on TV.

Yesterday was BS' birthday and although he hates his birthday he allowed the rest of us to celebrate with a yummy DQ Strawberry Cheesecake Blizzard Cake. It is a thing of beauty. We took turns butchering songs on the Wii karaoke game. I'm not a singer by any means but I did take top honours with my renditions of both "Uptown Girl" and "Time After Time." I love a singing game that does not require singing skills.

RB helped with some work I was trying to wrap up and we had Greek for supper. Chicken souvlaki is so good for supper but it is still best breakfast on Saturday morning at the market.

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Still No Baby

Today officially marks Day 1 of the next round. In just two short days the crazy begins with a new round of drugs. It would just have to be the last two weeks of the year end.

I can't believe it caught me off guard, the signs were so clear - uncontrollable chocolate cravings, no energy, organizing closets, dreaming I was pregnant, - short of scrubbing the bathroom (which had already been done on Friday) all the signs were there.

EB and I are both going to be unbearable this week so we have put the office on alert. (This is another perk of an all female office.) Today, we decided that since misery loves company we would lock ourselves in a boardroom to hammer out some revisions.

Watch for upcoming subject lines such as: "Vehicular manslaughter can't be all bad", "mmm...chocolate" and "Why is everyone pregnant but me."

I am keeping in mind that this is still a good sign since, I am almost on schedule and therefore the drugs seem to be doing the trick. If all goes well it will just be a matter of time before I am complaining about being pregnant.

Fingers crossed for the next round!

Seaside Vacation

Hubby and J-li and I had a lovely weekend at the Algonquin Resort in Saint Andrews. Now this is not seasonally the best time for a vacation at a seaside resort but we pretty much had the place to ourselves. It was a very mild weekend and it actually felt like Spring was on the way!

We arrived on Saturday afternoon and although most of the shops were closed for the season but we did find a few treasures. Hubby bought a new mug for his new job. J-li found some smelly bath bombs and I bought a cookbook – “101 Things to do with a Potato”. (Now that Hubby will be working in SJ I will get to experiment with side dishes that do not involve rice!)

We had supper at the hotel, since the best part of staying at the Algonquin is the food. Hubby and I had the wild mushroom and goat-cheese ravioli for an appetizer, and roast beef tenderloin in a merlot reduction. Everything was great. We later ordered dessert from room service. Yummy!

J-li came up to our room and we ordered a movie (For your Consideration) but since we started too late and I did not see more than 3 minutes of the film before I was asleep on the couch - just like being at home.

On Saturday the grounds of the hotel were all covered in snow but by Sunday at noon the grass was showing and it not only felt like Spring it looked like it too! We had a late breakfast at the hotel before taking the long way home.

We took the long way so that J-li and I could stop at Cricket Cove yarn shop. What a great place! There were so many beautiful yarns and handknit items that I was on sensory overload. I fully expected to come out with bags of yarn but faced with that many choices I couldn’t choose. I am truly a novice.

I picked out a book - Weekend Knitting and some Galloway in a sage green with wooly socks in mind. All-in-all not too much spent. What happened next is all J-li’s fault. Since she insisted on chatting with the store owner I was forced to meander around the cash until I came across the Mango Moon yarns. The yarn is made from recycled silk saris in Nepal. I was in love before I looked at the price and managed to convince myself that the $26 was perfectly reasonable price for something so beautiful. I have no idea what I’ll do with it. Maybe I’ll just love him and pet him and call him George.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall ...

The other night we had my Lil Bro, Lil Sis and the Monkey over for supper. Sis had cut Lil Bro's hair at the dog groomers. (She told him his head wasn't that different from a dog's ass.) She cut everything but the front and you should have seen the two of them laugh when we stopped at the hairdresser to get it fixed.

Lil Bro was looking for a mirror and Hubby told him there was one on the wall. The Monkey, who was playing nearby, says to himself "Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, who's the fairest of them all?"

So I asked him "Who is the fairest of them all?" and he said I WAS! In fact, ten minutes later he made a point of telling Hubby "Your not the fairest of them all, Aunt Teecee is the fairest."

When I picked him up from daycare tonight he told me again. When I said that it made me happy when he said that he let out a big "Woooohooo!" and told me it made him happy too.

I love my Monkey.

13 years and counting...

Hubby and I celebrated the 13th anniversary of our first date last night.
He worked late, I had Pilates,
He booked our upcoming weekend getaway, I knit,
We went to our favourite pub and had the usual,
We came home and he watched his shows while I fell asleep on the couch.
All in all a very exciting night.

Super Secret Squirrel Surprise Socks

I am currently working on my first pair of socks for a friend's birthday. Luckily I have a partner in crime, my friend canknitian is a sock wiz and is teaching me. She is knitting one sock and I am doing the other. So worse case scenario RB ends up with one beautifully knit sock and one that looks like its been knit by a monkey.

So far, so good. I have the cuff, the heel and the gusset done and I am quickly heading for the toe! Before you know it I will be adding "knitting socks" to my list of unmarketable skills.

I get to spend this afternoon with two of my favourite boys! My little brother (13) and my nephew (3). Lil Brother is spending half of his March break with Lil Sis and I. He is planning to spend three days working for my sister at her pet grooming shop. He wants to prove to her that he is ready to have a dog. She is going to work his tail off this week. He may actually be glad to go back to school!

Hubby is at work today so I get the boys all to myself!

Check with your doctor before beginning a new diet

So I told my Dr. about my plans for the “All Ice Cream Fertility Diet” and she said “Go for it!” Now it could be that she really didn’t take me seriously but you should never doubt how far a woman will go to have a baby - especially if it involves ice cream.

Although I'm sure it is already on the list somewhere I should add "Super Genius". I am going to create a line of Gourmet Fertility/Prenatal Ice Cream. It would contain all of the folic acid and vitamins that you need when you are trying to get pregnant and through pregnancy and would feature such flavours as "Quadruple Chocolate" and "Vanilla and Dill Pickle". Because it caters to the infertility and prenatal crowd I could easily charge 500% more than regular ice cream. Yup, Super Genius it is.

My friends did have a good point; you run the risk of overdosing on the vitamins if you eat the whole tub of ice cream. They suggested making the vitamins as sprinkles that could be added separately.

We had a welcome home party for DC who just came back from two months in China with her beau. We are getting so old; we were all fading and ready to head home by 11:00. It could have been the snow storm; I think we got something like 15-20cm. The roads were snow filled but not terrible. Hubby played chauffer and picked up and dropped off some of the girls. He is a good sport; once again he was the only man at the party.

DC brought me a lovely purse and a pretty bracelet back from her travels.

All ice cream all the time!

I’m sooo excited about my new fertility diet - all ice cream all the time! Those damn prenatal vitamins will go down much easier with a milkshake. Harvard researchers have shown that women who eat 2-3 servings of high-fat dairy are less likely to have problems with ovulation. You read that right “HIGH –FAT DAIRY”, eating low-fat dairy can make it 85% more likely to experience anovulatory infertility.

How great is it that the cure for my particular problem is ice cream? Sure there was some blah blah blah about “not making a solid recommendation” and “needing more research” but the bottom line is EAT MORE ICE CREAM!

This is the best day ever.