On the road again...

I'm on the road again, off to Halifax for a conference. Halifax is just not as exciting as going to the Rockies last year. First off, I go there quite frequently and I had never seen the Rockies and secondly we drive to Halifax and we flew to Alberta. I love flying. I like the anticipation at the airport, the excitement as you take off and watching everything get very very tiny. I especially love flying into a new city and getting a birds eye view of the place.

The drive to Halifax is not too bad it is 4 hours and we are in no rush to get there. EB and I will leave this morning and only have to be at the hotel for a reception at 7:00. Hard to say what we would do with a few hours to ourselves (drink or shop, drink or shop-tough call!) We head back on Friday afternoon and as soon as my feet hit home I'm repacking my bags for a trip to AMERICA!

With the Canadian $ so high, a lot of people are swarming to Maine for some shopping. (Anyone know of any good yarn shops in Bangor?) I am going with Hubby and three friends for the weekend. Apparently there is a good chance I'll run into my mother and aunt on my shopping excursion, they are also going to Maine. My grandparents went earlier in the week and my Sis is going later in the week.

Now I love my new kitten but I also love my sleep. I am generally a very very sound sleeper and although I stay up late I get a solid night's sleep. The last two weeks I have been up and down all night because some crazy kitten insists on chasing her tail under the covers or attacking anything that moves (including eyelashes). Spending the next 5 nights in hotels will mean catching up.

A month later (no not a month late)

It has been just over a month since our trip to the fertility clinic and I've had a few emails asking how I have been. I had really hoped that I could say I'm doing so much better. Unfortunately, it is still constantly on my mind and still very much an open wound. I have stopped weeping every time someone looks at me but I am surprised at how often I am struck by sadness and how unexpected it always is.

For the last three years I have been upset at baby announcements, baby showers and holidays. That is just par for the course. However, it is now the strangest things that set me off.

• stupid hockey theme baby blankets
• people walking with their children
• people complaining about their children
• parent/teacher night
• baby food commercials
• Old Navy halloween costume

I have been living with the frustration of waiting to have a baby, but now there is a despair in knowing that it is not going to happen at all. It is a whole new level that is taking some time to get acclimatized to. My fear is that it will not get better and that for the rest of my days I will be brought to tears by everyday things. Chances are good that my friends, family and neighbours will continue to have children and I can't stand the thought of always being the miserable wet blanket.

I really appreciate the lengths that those around me have gone to comfort me and accommodate my sensitive spots. I just wish they didn't have to do it. I know that people tip-toe around me on the baby stuff, like waiting for the right moment to tell me someone is expecting, not recommending certain books or movies, or the awkward silence walking by the baby section at the mall. I've been quite open about where I am emotionally because I feel like I need the support of my friends but I hate making the people feel uncomfortable.

I guess I hadn't realized that my situation would rob me of the joy I got from taking part in other people's pregnancies and children. I loved making handmade things and buying cute toys and outfits. Now it is just too hard. There are a lot of blogs, success stories and support for people in the midst of fertility treatments. There does not seem to be much out there on what happens when you run out of options.

It is not that I think my feelings are unjustified or I'm not clear on why I feel the way I do. I just wish I knew how long it is going to last. I am also still angry about our appointment with the fertility clinic and now that it has been a month I think I will write a letter to both my specialist here and the clinic administration. On the upside, they have not billed us for our consultation - yet.

Geez, I bet you guys are sorry you asked!

Crafty ideas for charity

Each year my friends and I put together Christmas gift baskets for women who have left abusive relationships. The shelter has 8 apartments where women and their children can live for up to a year while they rebuild their lives. The women often find it hard to make ends meet and most rely on the food bank to feed their families.

This time each year I ask for a list of the ages for the boys and girls living in the shelter and the ages of the women. It is not a lot of information to go on soI am constantly trying to think of good, general gift ideas for the women. The children are easy to buy for and people are anxious to buy for the kids. I find it harder to get items for the moms. One of the comments that we have had each year is how much they appreciate handmade items. We ususally include a handmade dishcloth and I make neck warmers out of snuggly flannel. Of course, Christmas would not be complete without goodies so we have a cookie swap where we do up 8 trays of goodies. I would like to do something different this year.

Does anyone have ideas for handmade gifts that are quick, easy, inexpensive and suitable for someone you don't know anything about? It is a tough one. I'd love to hear some suggestions!

Introducing Purl!

My sister often takes kittens into foster care for the local SPCA. A month ago she got a call about a little girl kitty found in a ditch on the side of the road. The woman who found her said she was going to adopt her when she was big enough. The next day someone else brought in a little boy kitten from the same ditch. Sis adopted the little boy and when she went to return the little girl they told her she was up for adoption.

Taking advantage of my weakened emotional state, she called from the shelter to tell me she was bringing home the baby girl for me. I've named her Purl and she is so sweet. She is trying to make friends with my other kitty but it was not love at first site for Athena.

I am absolutely smitten by the kitten. Without further ado - here's Purl.

What a way to start the day!

Earlier this week I was awakened by Hubby saying, "There is a parcel for you!" Hurray! It was a big box from my Virtual Vacation Swap. As it turns out I went to Kansas, and look at all the goodies I got.

That Mandy is just too good to me. I got a Kansas keychain, scrunchies, chocolate, popcorn (which Hubby is drooling over), coffee and tea, a beautiful dishcloth, a cute postcard, two citrus candles, and yummy smelling soaps. I also got all of the things I things I need to make a beautiful blue and purple felted bag. And I can't tell you how much I love the magnet and mug she sent.

In case you can't read my blurry photo they both say: "Dear Dorthy; Hate Oz, took the shoes, find your own way home! Toto" I LOVE it - they have already made their way to my office and are the envy of my co-workers.


This week I also got to take my Monkey to the Exibition. He went on all of the kiddie rides and then wanted to go on the big Ferris Wheel. I was shocked at how much he remembered from his trip last year. Before we even got there he had told me about all the rides he was going on, starting with the rockets that he was too small for last year. He also insisted that he was going to have cotton candy on the cone and so he did!

That is one happy boy!

After he went home I met up with some friends and stayed all night riding the rides, eating dippy dogs and chocolate dipped frozen bananas. I had a great time, there were surprisingly few people. I was a little disappointed that there was no Whack-A-Mole. They must have heard I was coming and hid it so I wouldn't win the giant prize again this year!

I must be feeling better - I picked up my needles again.

Ta DA! My first unsupervised sock! Okay so it is only a plain jane ankle sock but it is mine and I love it. I will now attempt something I have never done before - knit a second sock. You may recall that my first sock was a collaboration with Canknitian and we each knit a sock for a friend's birthday. This was also my first attempt at knitting with sock yarn on those teeny tiny little needles.

When I showed my grandfather he laughed, he had tried to teach me to knit mittens with four dpn and I insisted that was way too many needles. I kept ending up with two needles holding the stitches and two in my hand. A year later I am knitting socks with 5 dpns! Just wait until I get the gumption to try knitting them on two circulars.

I am plesantly surprised to be upright before noon today. Last night we had a birthday extravaganza for my little sister's 30th birthday. I had the honour of putting together a poster of old photos, including some wicked Christmas morning hair. Sis's best friend rented a lodge for the party and it was a really good time. Because my sister does not eat sweets we had to do things a little differently, instead of a cake we had a platter with different cheeseballs set with candles and for one night only my beloved chocolate fountain was filled with nacho cheese sauce. I have to admit the flowing, dripping cheese was both yummy and mesmerizing but I still prefer the chocolate. The lumpy bits are jalepenos.

Canknitian arrived safe and somewhat sound from her sis's wedding and said the bride loved the cake I did for them. I saw a couple pictures on her camera but I can't wait to see the bigger photos to see how it turned out with the Gerbers. RB came with her new man, apparently we were not able to scare him off the first time around. Last night may have done it, to be specific her dance routine with my husband. (Anybody remember the episode of Friends where Monica and Ross revive a dance routine they had as teens? Yeah, just like that.)

I drank too much and said "Consequences be damned, I am going to eat that sweet, buttery, salty crunchy, fresh hydrocooled corn." I regret nothing - but I'm sure I will pay today. We tore up the dance floor while the boys played cards. At the end of the night I did a half-ass job of cleaning the cheese out of the fountain before heading home to bed. (Note to self: clean the cheese out of the fountain.) Tomorrow it is back to the grind.

Happy Labour Day everyone and Happy Birthday Lil' Sis.